Finding The Peace
by Emma99
Summary: I could now understand how much I really hated my life. Now that my eyes were open I could see. See how much I needed to escape, to get out of here. To find the peace. Unfortunatly, I didn't know what to look for. Or where to start. I just needed to try.
1. New

**Full Summary:** Bella has been a foster child for 14 long, painful, depressing years, and is now 17. She is always going from place to place, never having a family love her enough to keep her. What happens when she goes to Forks and a family finds a side to Bella that nobody has ever found before? Do they love her enough to keep her?

**Authors Note:** **Okay, first chapter. If people like it I will update very often. Please R&R. That's all I'm asking you! Also, check out my other story, Coming Out.**

**Chapter 1: New**

**Bella's Point Of View**

It had been 14 years. 14 dreadful, depressing years. 14 dreadful, depressing years since I had been first taken to the foster care, when I was 3 years old. I couldn't even remember that far back. My life had been so painful, I didn't even want to try and remember when my mother decided that I wasn't good enough to be her child. All I know is from my old family videos. And in all those videos my skin was covered in bruises, and my clothes were torn to pieces. Looking back at these videos wonder if my parents had even loved me.

My mom had gotten pregnant many times before me. But all of the babies had died before they even got out. All the alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs she had used while she was pregnant, it's no wonder none of them made it out alive. I was secretly glad that the babies hadn't made it out. They didn't deserve this life. This life of pain, separation, and never being fully loved.

Sure, they would seem like they loved you, but than you would be going to a new foster home or a new relief home. They all told me that they loved me and promised to visit, but not once did I ever see them again. And it didn't matter it you even tried to put up a fight. Nothing was stopping them from taking you.

The worst feeling was when the person who's house you had been staying in were happy to see you going. Like you were only a little nuisance to their dramatic life. Like you weren't good enough. Not good enough to be fully loved. It felt like knifes were stabbing through your heart a million times when somebody said that.

It was so hard to be a foster kid traveling from place to place once you hit 12. School was getting harder. You wanted to have friends. And once you finally made friends, you left again. It's not like preschool anymore, friends don't just come to the new kid. You aren't the classes new favorite student. It was hard enough to be accepted. Than you had to worry about catching up. No teacher cared that life was hard when you were a foster kid. Sure, they acted like it, but they didn't lessen your work. It's not like they even cared if you failed, you were going to be gone in a few months anyways.

But, the worst thing about being a foster kid was going to relief homes and having all the families truly love you so much that they start questioning whether or not they were going to try and keep you. All of them wanted to keep you, but it never seemed to 'work out'. I got used to being disappointed by that, but most of all not even being lifted up by their false hope. It never seemed to do any good for me.

Nothing ever seemed to do any good for me.

No one. No one was even around enough to help you enough for you to notice.

Today was not a day I haven't experienced before. It was just like all the others I had about every 6 months or so. Somebody who was 'very professional and important' had found a home or family that would 'love me and care for me'. I wished they wouldn't bother. I just turned 17. Wasn't I old enough to just live by myself yet? I wished I was. But, even though I knew how badly this would end, just leaving another scar on my broken heart by the person who just let me go after they 'loved' me, I decided to go to this new and unfamiliar place. Hopefully I could make the best of it. Maybe some family could find the real me, hidden beneath all the pains and let downs, and happen to love me enough to keep me.

I could hope for that. That was all I could do. I couldn't force a family to love me. I couldn't even pretend to be somebody I wasn't so they would love me. All I could do was be myself. That was all I would do. I would be myself. I would have hope. So off I went, on my airplane to a new place, Forks, to live with a new family.

**Authors Note:**** I know it was short. I just wanted to give you a quick taste of what the story is like. Read my other story, Coming Out please. You better review!!!! No new chapters until reviews come!**


	2. Plane

**Authors Note: Short chapter. Read AN at the end.**

**Plane**

I sat there helplessly crying. I don't even know why I couldn't get a grip on myself. It's not like I had a reason to be crying. I just was. I was glad this airplane was half empty. Less witnesses to see a 17 year old girl cry her broken little heart out. The airplane helper rushed over to me. Damn. Now I wished I was on a huge plane, with nobody noticing me crying.

This wasn't unusual. I always seemed to start crying. It could even come when I was the happiest I had ever been. Or when I was just my normal depressed self. Like now. But when I cried it felt so great. It feels like everything that was depressing me in my life just leaves with the tears that escape my eyes.

I couldn't believe it always came down to this. Was crying really the way to solve all my problems? I knew that answer without even having to think twice about it. The answer was no. But, if it made me feel better now, who cared how badly it messed me up in the long run? My life was never stable, always changing this way or that. So right now crying seemed to be the answer.

It was just like my own little problem-free heaven right smack in the middle of hell. Great.

I decided that music might help calm me, so I reached over to grab my iPod from my carry on bag when I realized that the flight attendant was still hovering over me, waiting to comfort me.

"Oh, no, don't worry. I'm perfectly fine, really," I promised her, before she could say anything. She just nodded and went to another person, about 5 chairs up from me.

I was still thinking about my iPod so I reached over and grabbed it. When I turned it on and stuck the headphones in my ear I decided to listen to the first song that came on shuffle.

Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. Notice the sarcasm? Over You by Chris Daughtry. I have never thought this before, but that song could really relate to my life.

Now that it's all said and done,  
I can't believe you were the one  
To build me up and tear me down,  
Like an old abandoned house.  
What you said when you left  
Just left me cold and out of breath.  
I fell too far, was in way too deep.  
Guess I let you get the best of me.

I guess I found a new, amazing love for this depressing song.

Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
A long, long time ago.  
And I never thought I'd doubt you,  
I'm better off without you  
More than you, more than you know.  
I'm slowly getting closure.  
I guess it's really over.  
I'm finally getting better.  
And now I'm picking up the pieces.  
I'm spending all of these years  
Putting my heart back together.  
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,  
I got over you.

W.

O.

W.

It was true. I should have never loved those families so much that when I left, I couldn't handle it, and I would break down and cry. The tears slowly started to flow effortlessly out of my eyes, but this time it wasn't traumatizing. It was comforting. Like I really had connected to the real world, someway, somehow.

And I really is over.

But now was a new beginning. I should be thinking positive. I switched to a new, happier song. Love Today, by Mika. This was perfect. Just what I needed. A carefree song. I leaned back my chair and feel asleep easily, listening to my iPod.

Knifes were stabbing through my heart.

All my past families were crowding around me, trying to comfort me and hug me and tell me how much they loved me.

I couldn't let them love me. Not even for a minute. It would just hurt that much more when they left me again. Which they would. They all do.

So I pushed them away. It was all I could do. Once I started pushing they slowly started to disappear, one by one. Than I was all alone again. In a cold, dark room.

When I woke up my limbs felt so stiff. That was another repeat of the usual nightmares I had.

It felt like I was glued to the uncomfortable chair. Why was I sleeping? Oh yeah. I was flying to Forks. To live with my new 'family'. If I could even call them that. Optimistic. Right. That was what I was planing on being.

I'm soooo excited! Hopefully they keep me! But I already know that they're going to love me! Of coarse they will!

Wow. Optimistic. Not exactly right for me. Especially considering my circumstances.

"Excuse me, miss, the plane has landed," the flight attendant told me. Oh. I looked around. Everybody was off the plane. I was really in Forks now. Well, here I go.

I nodded at her, grabbed my carry-on bag, and went to leave the plane.

Apparently I was supposed to take a taxi to the new families house. 321 Knoff Place. Located right smack in the middle of Forks, or so I was told. That wasn't surprising. When I had goggled the town, I discovered it was practically nothing. Only about 3,500 people. Not exactly my type of 'home', but whatever. Not exactly like this was going to be 'home' for long...

I headed to the luggage drop off to get my 4 suitcases. Of coarse they were the last ones there. I hated having to bring my stuff everywhere. I couldn't even just leave it at my house, because my home was always switching. Because of that, I had never really liked to get attached to items. I couldn't take very much stuff besides the stuff I needed.

I put my suitcases on a trolley and wheeled it outside so I could flag down a taxi. As I was waiting two taxis just drove past. Nice. The third taxi stopped. Good. At least _somebody_ cares.

A short, older man stepped out and grabbed my luggage to put in the trunk. I nodded at him and hopped into the back of the taxi.

That was my thing. Nodding. Most of the time my voice wouldn't even be strong enough to say the words, not that I wanted to anyways. It was better off for all of us if I just nodded. But, I would have to speak when he returned so I could tell him the address. Damn.

As he sat back in and turned to face me, I quickly rushed out the words. " 321 Knoff Place please." Apparently he had heard me, because he nodded and started to drive towards the east. I looked up and was stunned.

The sunset was breathtakingly beautiful. Simply amazing. I didn't think anything could compare to it. No thousand words could describe the wonderful feeling I felt when I saw this monument from the heavens. Maybe there was a plus side to Forks...

**Authors Note: So, do you guys want me to do lots of short chapters (about 1 every 2 days) or medium chapters (about 1 every 4 days). Let me know please**

**-Emma **

**Review! :)**


	3. Perfect

**Authors Note:**** Wow! You guys made me feel so warm inside! Right after I posted my chapter I went off the computer. When I came back, 1 ½ hours later, I had 5 favorite story/story alerts! I was so happy! Please keep reading! And also, REVIEW THIS TIME! **

**Perfect**

Here I was. In front of my new home. Was I prepared? No. But a better question was _Would _I ever be prepared? Probably never. It was always hard to face a new family. No matter how many times it happened.

It wasn't like just meeting new people. These people were your new family. So you wanted them to like you. And it was also SO intimidating. They always tried to be extra friendly so you would feel comfortable, but that always gave the opposite effect and made you feel a tad bit _un_comfortable.

Positive. At least they _tried_ to make you feel comfortable.

I paid the taxi driver and stepped out of the taxi. He had already unloaded my luggage. As soon as he backed the yellow taxi out of the driveway and headed pack to what looked to be this 'town', I took a deep breath.

Was I seriously nervous? Get a grip Bella! It's not like your going to face a hungry pack of wolves. Hopefully not. It's just a family who is prepared to love you. And who will probably realize in a few weeks that they are not prepared enough to love you. Or find one tiny little flaw in you. And that tiny flaw could equal you going back to the foster home, with a broken heart.

I slowly and steadily walked up the porch and stopped in front of the white door. It seemed to fit their blue house very well. Their house looked older, but still wonderfully perfect. Deep breath. Think positive. Be yourself.

I knocked lightly on the front door. Now was the worst part. Their first sight of me.

I wasn't exactly what you would call _pretty. _Or ugly, for that matter. I was about normal. Nothing really special about my looks, but nothing bad either.

The door slowly opened. I almost gasped out loud.

The woman who answered the door was absolutely beautiful. Her brown hair flowed effortlessly down her face, framing her heart shaped head. She looked incredibly young, but I could still tell she was about 30. Her voice was just as surprising.

"Hello. You must be Bella. I'm Esme Cullen. Welcome to our humble abode. Would you like me to take one of your bags?" Wow. She was my new 'mother'? Sure, I could be happy because she already seemed flawless. But there was always a downside to that. If she was flawless it would be harder for me to even seem normal, let alone fit into this family.

"Yes," I mumbled, unintelligibly. Could she even hear me? Wow. I must have sounded drunk! Noooo! Esme Cullen would think that an alcoholic was going to be living in her house! As if the standards weren't high enough already...

Esme either didn't notice the off-ness of my voice or was a phenomenal actress. I was guessing the second one. Only a retard wouldn't notice how dry my voice sounded.

"Okay, right up here," she said while she held the door open for me. Maybe she hadn't heard my tone of voice...

I walked right into the shockingly beautiful living room. It was completely black and white. Even though none of the pieces of furniture seemed to go with each other, they looked perfect together, like corresponding pieces to an amazing puzzle. After them moment of being blinded from this beautiful room, I felt even more of an intruder than before. Everything here seemed so..... perfect. That was the only way to describe it.

I really had to tell Esme this. "This room is absolutely beautiful, Esme." Just like everything else in this house. Except me. I was so out of place.

"Oh, thank you Bella. I design houses for a living, so I guess it must have rubbed off on our house," she said calmly. She still seemed so calm and collected, like she had nothing to worry about.

That made me extremely jealous. How could she be so happy, when I had to live this painful, depressing, idiotic life? Why hadn't my mom known not to have kids if she couldn't take care of them without beating them half to death?

I didn't even want to start thinking about that again. It always left my broken heart in crushed pieces, making me decline any mood that could help me out of this deep, dark, lonely, life. I didn't need that right now. Or ever, for that matter.

When I was out of my deep thoughts, I saw that Esme was waiting for me. Not like how somebody would usually wait for you though. She made it look very polite. How she looked around the room... If anybody else did that it would look like they were trying to find something to do while they waited for somebody else. But how she did it, it made it look like she was appreciating every little detail in here. Like she had found everything she had ever wanted, and now she was just enjoying the presence of it. How somebody could do that, and make it look so natural, I had no clue.

When she noticed I was starring at her, she smiled. "Okay Bella, would you like to go see your room," she asked me in a soft, but clear voice. I nodded. We picked up my bags and started walking up the beautiful staircase. At the top of the stairs there was a long hallway, with white carpet and royal blue walls. There were three rooms on either side of the hallway, and one at the very end of it. All the doors were a very pale blue. This was absolutely magnificent.

"Your room is the one at the very end," Esme said as we walked towards the end of the hallway. When we arrived she opened the door. Wow.

The room was shockingly beautiful. It was all black and white, just like the living room downstairs. I couldn't believe how beautiful, but simple this room was. It was exactly my type of room. Simple. But beautiful. Simply beautiful. **(Authors Note: Picture on profile of room.)**

"Sorry if you don't like the black and white. We could change that if you like. Maybe some bright colours would be better?" Esme questioned. I felt the shock on my face turn to horror. I didn't want her to change this paradise!

"No, Esme, I absolutely love it! Don't change a thing! This is completely my type of room! It is so beautiful, by the way. I can't believe how talented you are." She smiled while I praised her lovely work. I would NEVER let her change this room, not even one bit. It was absolutely perfect.

I froze when I realized what word I kept repeating in my head. One I had promised to never think. Perfect. I couldn't keep thinking like that. Not that word. I knew nothing would ever be perfect for me. Even if it was, it wouldn't last. And it never was. If something was perfect, I wouldn't even be here right now. Because my mom wouldn't have had me.

"Well, I will let you get set up Bella. We aren't going to be having supper for about two hours, so make yourself feel at home. I will introduce you to the rest of my family at supper, when they get home. If you would like to do anything, feel free to come and tell me." Esme said. She closed the door silently behind her.

One of the great things about Esme: she didn't hover.

I flopped down onto the beautiful bed and started to cry. How could I do this? Put myself through another chance to be broken to pieces? I couldn't. And I really shouldn't. It was just going to hurt me more... But how could I ever live life without going through all this madness? I know most other people don't go through all this, but I wasn't most other people. I was Isabella Swan. And Isabella Swan had no life. She just went from family to family, getting scars on her heart that would never go away...

A thought crept into my head. It was always the same thought. Just one word. Suicide. That one word could be broken down and described in a thousand different ways. Death. Killing myself. Leaving the world I knew. And there were so many ways I could get to it. Stab myself with a knife. Jump off a bridge. Run away in the winter and freeze to death. Go drown myself.

Even though I knew so many ways I could commit suicide, I never did. I had, though been so close to most of them. Even tried some. Like I had run away, once when I was living with a family in Alaska. And I had been so close to jumping off of a bridge in a small town in Mexico. I had always been so close to most of them, but never done them. A smooth, caring voice always came into all my head. It would tell me not to jump. Or to take a breath. I would often than realize that this would hurt everybody else so much if I did. Not that they cared, but they would think they were doing a bad job. And as much as I knew that nobody really and truly loved me, I knew they didn't deserve to have to deal with me found dead while I was under their control.

Well, I guess life for me would never be truly perfect.

**Authors Note:**** Review please! I think that if everybody reviews, I will be able to get another chapter out tonight, or in the next few days. But review please! **

**-Emma :)**


	4. Love

**Love**

I can feel my heart racing. Esme came up just moments ago and told me that dinner would be ready in half an hour. I would be meeting my 'family' in half an hour. 30 minutes. Half an hour. 30 minutes. New family. Half an hour. 30 minutes. New family. Oh no.

I need to calm down. Maybe a cold shower will help... I glanced to the right side of my bedroom. My own bathroom door was wide open. It's so tempting.... but I need to calm down. So cold shower it is for me.

Wow. A shower really had helped. I decided to keep my clothes simple. A pair of black leggings with a dark purple baby doll top. That was pretty simple. In the end, I decided to wear my dark purple flats.

I still had 15 minutes before it would be dinner time. I went to the mirror to make sure I looked okay. When I saw the reflection in the mirror, I wasn't pleased.

My shoulder length, brown hair, was everywhere. And I mean literally _everywhere_. I grabbed my brush and started yanking it through my hair to make it calm down. No such luck. My hair was still somewhat wet, so maybe I could just put in some leave in conditioner. I reached into my bag of bathroom items and pulled it out.

As I rubbed it into my hair, my hair seemed to calm down. But not completely. I frantically pulled the brush through my hair. Maybe I should just put it into a ponytail... Yes. Ponytail. That would be _excellent. _Not perfect though.

Okay, I think I was ready to meet the family. And only five minutes left. Well, I could quickly tidy up the mess I had made in the time I had been here. And I could make my bed. Maybe I could start hanging my clothes up in the closet too......

Before I realized it, it was time. My five minutes were up. Wow. Time flies when your cleaning. I opened my door and stepped out onto the soft carpet. Even through my flats I could feel the softness in the carpet. It was almost fuzzy. As I walked towards the stairs leading downstairs, I could faintly hear voices talking. I thought I heard three voices. Wait, three? Did they have guests here? None of the families who have ever tried adopting me had had other kids. Why adopt somebody like me when you can have your own kids? Nobody would. So it never worked like that.

Had I just imagined that extra voice? I had heard two more manly voices, and Esme's soft voice. Maybe it was on a T.V.? Well, there was only one way to find out...

I approached the kitchen carefully. When I reached the arch way to enter, I stopped. There were three people. Three people lived here. Now four, if you were including me. I had a 'sibling'.

I don't know why, but this made me blissfully happy. I had never had a brother or sister. Ever. Not even a fake brother or sister, like this one. It had always just been me and the 'parents'. And my mom, but I didn't enjoy thinking of her as my parent. More like somebody who damned me into this eternal hell. I could never escape hell. While on earth, I was living in it. When I died, I would just go to a different type of hell. Maybe that was why suicide never felt so bad. Or maybe it was because I knew nobody loved me enough to stop me from killing myself. Whatever the reason, that was very insignificant at the time. Right now I needed to meet my new 'family'.

"Hello Bella. I would like to introduce you to the rest of my family." Esme said, but when she said 'my', I seemed to feel the word 'your'. How she could make one word like that sound so different, I had no clue. "This is Carlisle," she said, pointing to a tall man. He looked to be about the same age as Esme, and also looked very young. He looked more beautiful than any movie star I had ever seen. Not like I was attracted to him, but like I could understand how anybody else would be attracted to him.

"and this is my son, Emmett." she said as she pointed to the teenage boy standing next to her. He looked to be about 18 or so, only about a year older than I was. His black shirt was skin tight, showing off his huge muscles. It looked as if he lifted weights often, because that was the only way he could've achieved those muscles. His face was also shockingly beautiful, just like his parents. I was sure that all the girls at his school must be fainting at the sight of him. But I didn't feel attracted to him in the least. That was probably a good thing. It wouldn't be that great if I fell in love with somebody who I was supposed to be living with.

"Carlisle, Emmett, this is Bella Swan." I could feel myself blush when she brought the attention to me. Damn. Why did I _always_ have to blush at _everything?_ I would rather have people see me cry than have them see me blush. Knowing that I was blushing made me blush even more, making me turn cherry red. Actually, I wasn't even being honest when I said that. When I blushed it was so red that it would make a cherry jealous. Yes, I was saying a fruit was jealous of me. But I'm sure that would be the only thing that would ever be jealous of me. But even cherries probably wouldn't be jealous of me.

"Hello Bella. Welcome to our home," Carlisle said.

"Yeah. You're going to love it here Bella. I'm sure all of my friends are going to love you." Emmett said as he came over and shook my hand. Hi grip was firm.

Esme laughed out loud. "Emmett, how do you know they will love Bella? You don't even know her! Not that somebody wouldn't love you Bella. I don't know what somebody wouldn't love about you." Esme said as she gave me an apologizing look. I smiled back at her.

Everybody was using another word I couldn't stand to hear-love. I never had loved anybody. Nobody had loved me before. Sure, the said they loved me sometimes. But deep down, nobody truly loved me. I was just one of those people who couldn't be truly loved. I could be loved on the outside, but it never actually reached the inside. And when it did, that would be the day. The day I escaped hell, and didn't go to a new hell. The day my life had a point to it. The day I would feel that I had a live. The first day that somebody truly loved me.

**Authors Note:**** Your reviews and story alerts make me want to write more! I cannot believe how much easier it is to write when I know people are enjoying it! Two chapters in one day? Am I seriously doing that? Yes! Just for you guys! I might even have another chapter out later tonight, but I highly doubt it. I will probably save it for later anyways, because I can't but 3 chapters out one day than none the next. If everything goes well, than I will have lots of chapters. **

**Please REVIEW! You saw how quick this chapter came out because of the reviews! If you don't have anything to say, just tell me why you keep reading this!!!!**

**REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW.**

**-Emma :)**


	5. Different

**Authors Note:**** Review at the end please. Even if you have nothing to say, just tell me why your reading this. There has to be a reason. :) Reviews are worth it! They make me happy, so I write faster and more often! Like you got 3 chapters in 24 hours because of the reviews! **

**Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Review.**

**Different**

Dinner was interesting. We has mashed potatoes, gravy, turkey, and peas. Even though I absolutely hated all food, I pretended that I loved it. It was actually way better than the usual food I had.

I hated food for the stupidest reason. It kept me alive. Keeping me on this earth one day longer than I ever wanted to. But I knew I had to eat. For the sanity of others. How would Esme feel if I stopped eating when I arrived here? Probably not very well. She would think it had something to do with her food, no matter how many times I tried to convince her it wasn't true.

The Cullens tried to make everything easier for me, including the dinner conversations. Even though I knew they were just dying to ask me about my past of being a foster child, they kept the conversation light, and asked me questions about school and subjects in school, and stuff like that. The weird thing was the whole time Emmett looked very sympathetically at me, even though I hadn't told any of them about my past yet. Like he already knew how I was feeling. The thought made me laugh. He had no possible way of knowing what I was feeling. It wasn't like he had been put through everything I was going through.

It wasn't only the Cullens who tried to make everything easy for me. It was everybody. My teachers always gave me A's or B's even if I was failing. The lunch lady at schools would always give me a free piece of pie. No 'parents' would ever ground me.

Even though they were all doing me a favor, I didn't like it. Actually, that was an underestimation. I absolutely loathed it. They thought they should give me special care just because I was different? If I had just settled down with one family instead of traveling to 20 different families, I probably would have been just like them. But no, nobody could accept me.

How much I envied Jessica right now. Jessica had been my only friend at my previous school, in which I stayed for 3 months. She was an only child, and her parents loved her deeply. She wasn't a foster child like me. Her real parents, the parents she was living with, was also her biological parents.

Me, not a chance. I had lived with my real mom for 3 years. And my father, well he was gone right after my mom told him she was pregnant. Yeah, knowing that made me feel _so _loved. Notice the sarcasm.

Sarcasm. My best friend. As crazy as it sounded, it truly was my best friend. Sarcasm was always there for me, I could use it if I wanted but I didn't have to, and somehow it always brightened my day. When I was mad I used it even more. Just like a friend. If you were mad at them, you used them.

Or, at least that was how it was in my life. But nobody's life was like mine. Sure, some were close. But none were exactly the same. And I wasn't glad about that. If only somebody could connect to me, know how I felt. What I would give for that.. Anything. I would even give my life if I could just know that somebody felt the feelings I did. But my life wasn't exactly a good threat for me to use to myself. I didn't even like my life, so I would give it up for almost anything. Almost to willingly. But I had my reasons. And that was enough of a reason.

As I finished my dinner, I volunteered to was the dishes.

"Oh no, dear. Your our guest, so you shouldn't need to do the dishes." Esme tried to tell me, but I wasn't even close to convinced. If I was going to be living here, I was going to help them.

"Esme, I really need to. If I'm going to be living here, I'm going to help. I can't let you do everything for me." Hopefully that would convince her. But even if it didn't, I wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Yeah, listen to her. If she really wants to wash dishes, than let her." Emmett replied. Sure, he would probably find any way out of washing dishes that he could.

"No Emmett, you still need to wash dishes. Bella if you really do want to help, I guess you can. But don't do the whole thing for Emmett. He needs to do it too." It seemed as if Esme had cringed when she mentioned me helping Emmett.

"Okay. Thank you Esme," I said. I had already known that I would end up helping with the dishes.

"No, thank you dear." Esme said before she headed off to the living room to watch the news. Carlisle was up in his study, which was the first door on the left hand side after you went up the stairs.

I had also learned that Carlisle and Esme's room was right across from Carlisle's study. And beside them, there was a bathroom. The bathroom was connected to Carlisle and Esme's room from the inside. The last room on the right hand side included some couches, a TV and some game systems. They called this room the 'den'. It was almost like the living room downstairs, apparently, but more for Emmett and his friends. Emmett's room and a bathroom were the last two rooms on the left. The bathroom was not connected to Emmett's room, but it was considered his, because everybody else had their own bathroom.

I followed Emmett into the kitchen. "Wash or dry?" he asked me, holding up a dish towel and a bottle of soap.

"Dry," I said while I reached for the dish towel. But, I couldn't quite grab it. Right when I reached up for it, Emmett lifted it higher. I than realized how tall he was. "Emmet, you're really tall," I said.

"Yeah, and you're really small Bella," Emmett said as he passed the dish towel to me. He ran some water into the sink and added dish soap. "So, Bella, are you ready for school tomorrow?" Emmett asked.

"Um... Yes. What day is it today?" I had never kept track of the days. I always tried to live in the present. I didn't want to think of where I could or would be in a week, or even a few days.

Emmett let out a bellowing laugh. "It's Sunday, February 22th, today Bella. And that's in 2009, by the way." Emmett said in a joking tone.

His voice suddenly got more serious. "You don't keep track of the days, do you?" He asked me. It seemed like he really knew what was happening. What was going on in my life. Like he was inside my brain and had seen everything I had seen, had felt everything I had felt. It really touched me, because it was coming from big, strong, Emmett.

"Not exactly. I try to live in the present, and just forget about the future. I never really know where I can be in a week, so I try not to think of it. It just scares me, thinking of going through another family again, leaving me brokenhearted." I had no clue why I was telling Emmett this. I had never told anybody else. And I had only know Emmett for less than an hour. But when I looked up to see Emmett's reaction, he looked sympathetic. Again. Like he could relate to me. But he couldn't. I already knew that.

"So... tomorrow morning you aren't going to have to go to the office. I got your schedule and stuff already. Over there on the counter." Emmett said, trying to change the subject. He tilted his head over to the counter. I looked over there to see a stack of papers while I absentmindedly dried the dishes and put them in the rack on the counter.

"Oh. Okay, thanks." That was weird. This was the first school I had ever been going to that I didn't have to go get my own papers from the office. Was this some kind of joke Emmett was trying to play? Or did he already know that my least favorite part of my first day was picking up the papers? But I hadn't told anybody.....

While we continued to wash the dishes Emmett described his friends to me.

Rosalie, his girlfriend, was blond and absolutely drop dead gorgeous. I thought he was probably exaggerating about her looks because he probably loved her to death. Alice was short and pixie like. She had short, black hair and hazel eyes. Edward was tall, and almost had as much muscles as Emmet, with bronze hair and green eyes.

"So, are Alice and Edward together?" I asked Emmett while I continued to dry dishes.

Emmett's bellowing laughter filled the kitchen. "No Bella, Edward and Alice are brother and sister, not boyfriend and girlfriend. But, I could defiantly picture Edward doing something like that, dating his own sister," Emmet laughed at his own words. "But Alice would never do anything like that. Anyways, she has a boyfriend. Just met him two weeks ago. I haven't actually met him myself, but I hear good stuff about him. Alice is just crazy for him too. That must count for something."

"Well, I don't exactly know Alice yet, but I'm sure it does. Wouldn't it for everybody?" I asked.

"Well, you do have a very good point Bella. For most people I guess it would." Emmett replied as he handed me the last fork that needed to be washed. He pulled the plug from the sink and let the water drain out.

"Well, the dishes are done. Thanks for the help Bella." Emmett said as we walked into the living room.

"Yeah, no problem." I replied. I realized how much of a somnolent state I was in. Was I really lacking sleep? Well, I had been having lots of nightmares lately. So maybe I wasn't in a deep enough sleep. And it always made me tired when I moved to a new family.

"Would you like to watch the news with us, Bella?" Esme asked me. I realized that Emmett had gone and sat in an armchair near the television. Esme was curled up on half the couch, with a cup of hot tea in her right hand.

"Thanks, but I think I will be going to bed soon. I'm pretty tired, I want to take a shower, and I was planning on e-mailing my friend." Yes. One friend. I had met her two years ago. She was the only friend I had kept in touch with for longer than a month after I had left.

"Okay, have a good night dear. See you in the morning." Esme said.

"Going to bed at 7 o'clock? Wow. Some people must be crazy. I'll drive you to school in the morning Bella. We're going to leave at about 8 o'clock. Be ready." Emmett said jokingly.

"Okay, thanks. Good night." I said as I drowsily walked up the stairs and down the hall to my room. I decided to first take a shower, even though I had just taken one before dinner. I always took a warm shower before I went to bed. I found it made me tired.

Sure, I already was tired enough. But I loved to feel the warm heat wrapping around me, like my own protective blanket. Call me crazy, but it made me feel special. Like it loved me.

The shower felt so nice. After I got out of the shower I decided to just let my hair dry itself out. I wrapped a towel around my head to collect the water that was absorbed into my hair. While I was searching for a ponytail to put my hair in after I took the towel off, something happened.

The voice came. The voice that cared for me. When it came it didn't scare me at all. I was so used to me, and if anybody was even close to loving me, it was this voice. The one voice that was only ever in my head, never coming from somebody's mouth.

"They love you. Don't do anything to hurt yourself. It would only hurt them. They already see the good in you." I flinched when I heard the word love. One of the words I didn't like. But, I always obeyed the voice. One of the only things I did obey because I wanted to, believe it or not.

As I curled up on my bed and started to read my e-mails I figured out it really was true. My thoughts weren't lying to me.

I was different.

**Authors Note:**** First, I would like to thank ****chels926**** for letting me use one of her ideas in this chapter. Check out her new and awesome story, ****Cach****é****, and her other story, ****A Semester in the Smoke.**** You can find her in my favorite authors section on my profile.**

**Also, not many people have told me if you want medium or short chapters. I decided to do short chapters, and I will try to do one a day put will probably only be able to do one every two days. ****Except on weekends. I can do two a day on weekends, or at least one. :)**

**YOU BETTER REVIEW!!!!! PLEASE!!!**

**-Emma :)**


	6. That Voice

**Authors Note:**** Read and review. That's all I have to say.**

**That Voice**

I woke up in the morning with a hard piece of wood under my head, to an annoying mechanical beeping. What? Why was I sleeping on _wood?_ When I reached under my head to grab it, I realized it wasn't a piece of wood. It was my laptop. Nice. I had fallen asleep while reading my e-mails. Oh. And that beeping must be my alarm clock. I reached over and turned that off before flopping back onto my bed.

Last night hadn't been anything different than my dreams this whole week. All had me sitting in a dark room, with a voice talking to me. Well, not any voice. _The_ voice. The one voice that might love me.

The voice would comfort me all night long. Tell me stuff that made me happy. Made me feel loved. But the weirdest thing was, this voice had never been in my dreams before. I had only ever heard it when I was about to make some careless, reckless, stupid move that I surely would regret in the long run.

Why? That was all I could ask myself this morning. Why now? Why is _the_ voice back now? Why is now the time it has to drop into every single dream I have? Why is now so special, compared to the past 14 years? Why now, in my dreams?

In the past 14 years I had only ever heard the voice while I was awake. Never in my dreams. So this was a first. I had to smile. I loved doing things for the first time. But why was this voice haunting my dreams? Well, not exactly haunting. It was making it 100% better. But still. That was besides the point.

I thought back to everything the voice had told me last night. Comforting, comforting, comforting, and right before I woke up comforting, and one more thing. It had said "see you soon Bella." SEE you soon. _See._ Like, with my eyes. I was going to get to see this voice?

I felt just thrilled.

I couldn't deny it.

I was absolutely in love with this person, voice, what ever you wanted to call it. I really was in love. And I wasn't afraid to admit it. Great. I was in love for the very first time. With someone that didn't even exist. It was a voice, for crying out loud! I was in love with a voice! Maybe that therapist wasn't a bad idea after all...

After I had decided that I was absolutely in love, and absolutely crazy, I decided it was about time that I started to get ready for my first day at that dreaded school. Groan. I didn't really care what people thought of me, because I would probably be gone soon enough anyways, so I decided to wear the first thing I saw.

I headed to my closet where I had put most of my clothes in last night when I had unpacked and reached in to grab something. My hands came out with black skinny jeans and a white tank top. I decided to add my purple v-neck sweater to that with my pair of purple flats I wore yesterday. Sure, I was wearing a lot of purple lately. But most of my wardrobe consisted of purple clothing. It wasn't like I wouldn't end up wearing purple two days in a row in the future.

While I was in the bathroom brushing my hair and deciding what to do with it today, I heard a quiet knock at the door. I went to answer it and found Emmett standing there. He was wearing a long sleeved white shirt, tight to his muscles, and a pair of faded black jeans.

"Hey Emmett. What's up?" I asked him. He looked up at me sympathetically. Damn! Why did he always do that? It made me feel so... different. But at the same time, so normal. Like he knew what I went through.

"Well, my friends came ten minutes early and are excited to met you. You don't have to come meet them if you don't want to, but if you do we'll be right downstairs in the living room. Don't feel that you need to come down just because they want you to. Only come if you want to."

"Well," I started. I really did want to actually meet Emmett's friends. "I do want to met them. So I will be down in five, okay?"

"Sure thing Bella," Emmett said before he headed down the hallway. Okay. I had five minutes.

I decided to put a headband in my hair and leave it at that. The curls always gave it something, so it wouldn't look to plain. I packed my black bag with some stuff I might need at school and headed downstairs to the kitchen before going into the living room. I saw a fruit basket on the counter and grabbed an apple for breakfast.

I stopped before I walked into the living room out of pure curiosity. Were they talking about me? As I listened I didn't hear my name, but I heard something 100 times more surprising. It wasn't just surprising, it was amazing I couldn't even believe my own ears. Was I just hearing wrong?

No. I wasn't hearing wrong. I had really heard it. The voice. His voice. And now it wasn't inside my head. This person was alive and real. It was so much more clear than any of the voices in my head had every been. This person really was real. They had been this whole entire time.

I really had found the person who that magical voice belonged to. The magical voice who had saved me countless amount of times from committing suicide. The voice that I had fallen in love with.

The only person I had ever loved.

**Authors Note:**** Sorry to just leave it at that! I do have more written after it, but not for you guys right now. So I want to make a deal with you guys. If I can get 5 reviews before 7:30 than I will put the next chapter out. If I don't.... well, you might just have to wait a few days. But seriously, you guys are making me crazy! On the first few chapters I was getting lots of story alerts and a few reviews so I knew people were reading, but now I only get like 2 reviews for a chapter! But I know you guys can give me 5 reviews. You did 5 reviews for chapter 3, so you can easily do 5 reviews now. Sorry the chapter was short, but I do have more. Just waiting here....**

**-Emma :)**

**REVIEW!**


	7. On My Own

**Authors Note:**** Okay, so you didn't get 5 reviews to me before 7:30. Put I'm still going to post for because I had this ready. Sorry it's so short. I think short chapters are better for me to write, because with long chapters I never really get to the point. Check out my profile!**

**On My Own**

It really and truly was the voice.

If the voice was right out there, what was I still doing in here????????

All of a sudden I felt like a coward. What did I expect, that person to automatically love me and we both lived happily ever after? Knowing my luck, that was probably somebody who was already madly in love and about to get married.

So instead of going in there loud and proud, I slowly walked into the living room, feeling my face flush red. I looked up, hopping nobody saw me blushing. Sure enough, the conversation had stopped and everybody was watching me. Before I could even notice their faces, I saw white. At first I didn't realize what it was. When I started to feel a pain in my nose and a warm liquid coming out of my nose I figured out what had happened. I had tripped. Of course. Clumsy Bella never leaves.

"Oh my gosh! Is she okay?" I heard a voice squeak. It sounded like it came from somebody small. Small and pixie like. Must be Alice.

"Don't worry Alice," I said. "Happens all the time." I slowly got up and Emmet, who must have left while I was kissing the carpet, reappeared with a wet cloth and an ice pack.

"You okay Bella? You went down hard." Emmet said as he passed me the cloth and ice pack. I put them on my nose to clean up the blood and stop the bleeding.

"Yeah, it was expected from me. Happens all the time. I'm surprised it didn't happen last night as well. Everybody watch out, because it will probably again many times today." I heard laughter in response to what I said, and remembered that I didn't actually know who was here. I decided to look up for myself.

First person I saw was blond, gorgeous, and looked like the girls you often see on the cover of Sports Illustrated. That must be Rosalie. I guess Emmet hadn't been exaggerating with his description. Next person was small. Pixie like. A huge smile that seemed to already fit her personality perfectly. Alice. And last...

Wow. Simply amazing. By far the most beautiful person I had ever seem, my entire life. No doubt about it. I couldn't believe that I had actually thought some people were beautiful if he was out there. Not even Carlisle could compare to this guy. Who was he? Well, I assumed he was Edward Cullen.

I felt a stab of pain at my heat. What if this wasn't Edward? It could just as well have been Alice's new boyfriend, Jasper. Or a random person I didn't even know. Maybe they would die tomorrow! Maybe I would die right now! I didn't even know their name!And I was already in love with them...

Without thinking, my big mouth opened. "Are you Edward Cullen?" I asked, quite rude if you ask me. Edward silently chuckled. Had I really just said that out loud? Damn.

"Yes. I'm Edward. That's Rose, and that's Alice. Your Bella, right?" So he didn't really sense too much rudeness in my question. Well, that was good. I wouldn't want him to think I was an idiot already, especially if I thought I was in love with him. But was I? He really did seem perfect...

SHUT UP! I screamed at myself in my head. I hadn't even met the guy! And maybe the voice of an angel was very common now. But what were the chances? The chances of even hearing one voice of an angel were probably low, so two? Yeah, there wasn't really any chance.

But I think I loved him!!!!!! And, I knew he would never love me. Why would somebody love me? I'm so.... plain. Everything about me is plain. And I don't have any special talents. I've never even had a boyfriend, so why would this great god be my first. If I even told him that I loved him, he would probably just laugh at me. But, still, that didn't stop me from loving him.

I noticed everybody else was deep in conversation while I was here stopping the blood. "Emmett, I think my nose stopped bleeding." I pulled the cloth away to check. Yes, the blood had stopped. "Yeah, no more blood. Can we go to school?" Emmett nodded, and we all started walking out the front door after I had returned the ice pack and cloth to the kitchen.

"So, lets just take one of your cars today, okay? I think that might be easier. Anyways, we can still fit everybody." Emmett said. Edward nodded, and everybody got into a shiny, silver Volvo while Edward got into the drivers seat. I sat on the right hand side in the back, right across from Edward. Emmett, who was in the drivers seat, turned back to face me.

He handed me a small stack of papers. I sent a questioning look at him, before I noticed what they said on them. "This is your schedule, a map of the school, and other things the school thought you might need. What's your first class? You might have some classes with Edward and Alice. But not me and Rosalie."

"Rosalie and I," I automatically fixed his grammar, but I noticed I wasn't the only one who fixed his grammar. Before I even questioned who it had been, I already knew. Edward. Even talking over that angel's voice, I could still identify it.

On the rest of the way to school, we compared schedules, and found I had once class with Alice, French, and one class with Edward, Biology. The rest, I was on my own.

**Authors Note:**** I'm so excited! I got exactly 10, 000 words this chapter! It makes me happy inside when you REVIEW! I updated my profile! Check it out! REVIEW!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note:**** Okay, so my last chapter wasn't very good. When I went back and read it, I really hated it. And it seemed that you guys didn't enjoy it either. So, lets just forget about that. I will be re-writing it and posting it later on, hopefully before tonight. After it I will leave a blank chapter for people to review if they already reviewed the last chapter.**

**-Emma**

**PLEASE DO NOT REVIEW TO THIS!**


	9. Been There Done That

**Authors Note:**** Okay, sorry about that last chapter, which is kinda this chapter but worse. I had no clue what to write, and I felt that I needed to post something for you guys. From now on, if I don't have anything for you guys, I just won't post anything. I will wait till I get an idea and take my time to write it up.**

**Been There Done That**

My first day. Was I nervous? Hell, yeah! How could I not be?

As we drove to the school, I stuck my purple iPod Nano's headphones into me ears and clicked shuffle. What song came up? Of course. Been There Done That by Hedley. _Nice._ But, as I listened to the song, I realized it practically could sum up different parts of my life. I laid back on the seat and listened very carefully to the lyrics.

I've been kicked out, been told I'm a total disgrace  
I've been shoved I've been pushed, I've been slapped in the face  
I've had drinks thrown my way  
And barely escaped with my life

So go on say what you wanna say  
And save me from this misery  
Cause I know what you're getting at  
And I've been there done that

We'll never run back no!  
I don't know what to tell ya?  
If you come back now  
With nothing left to sell ya  
You can't obliterate this battle station  
With a stunning lack of wit and imagination now

You can try all you want; you can beg you can plead  
You can blame it on me when you're starting to bleed  
But the clothes on my back  
Are all I need to change about me

So go on say what you wanna say  
And save me from this misery  
Cause I know what you're getting at  
I've been there done that

We'll never run back no!  
I don't know what to tell ya?  
If you come back now  
With nothing left to sell ya  
You can't obliterate this battle station  
With a stunning lack of wit and imagination now

So I guess I'm not a total loss  
And a little stronger now  
You will know how much it costs  
To get away with life so loud  
And maybe I'm just tired of losing blood over you now  
Now it's getting late, and you know we're out of time  
It was my mistake; can you make up your mind?

We'll never run back no!  
I don't know what to tell ya?  
If you come back now  
With nothing left to sell ya  
You can't obliterate this battle station  
With a stunning lack of wit and imagination now

Okay, so it's not like I just barely survived some things. And, some families had abused me. I had done many things again and again, like changing schools. Shouldn't I be brave enough not to be scared today? Apparently not.

Oh no. We were here. At the school. And it was time for me to go. To go to my first class. Well, at least my first class was with Alice. It was French. Didn't sound too bad...

I turned off my iPod and shoved it into my bag. Here I go.

Alice led me down a paved sidewalk to one of the small buildings that were all assembled in a loop. While walking there, she told me some annoying teachers, easy classes, and people to avoid at all costs. I tried to put every detail somewhere in my head, but I'm sure I missed at least half of them. I would make sure Alice told me that information again another time, when I got to know some other people here.

*

French was.... well, I'll just call it interesting. The teacher was absolutely crazy. I wasn't quite sure if she had been drinking or something before class. She was stumbling around everywhere and acting all crazy while saying some paragraphs in French. Alice said that was how she always was, but I wasn't quite sure.

After French Alice brought me to my English class. English was worse than French was, even though this teacher was sane. I was guessing it was because I was alone. Alice made it better, especially with her bubbly attitude. I looked at the amount of homework I had. It wasn't really much at all, especially compared to how much I had gotten sometimes at my old schools. It wasn't like the teachers expected me to do it, anyways.

After two more classes, Social Studies and Art, it was time for lunch. I was planning on meeting Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and the one and only, Edward, in front of the cafeteria. I was so excited. Not only to see Alice again, and to see my other friends, but to see Edward. I had decided that I wouldn't tell him how much I loved him (too much), because than he would feel pressured to love me back, to make the little orphan girl feel better. I already knew that. It wasn't like it hadn't happened before with my other friends, in other places I had lived.

I walked to the cafeteria and saw everybody standing by the door, obviously waiting for me. That made me smile, but blush at the same time. I was happy, but seriously, why was I so happy about that? That's what they had told me. That's what I was expecting them to do. So why did it make me so damn happy?

I did not know.

I never really knew what made me happy. The most random things made me feel like there really was hope. Hope that I would get through the day. Hope that I would have a good day the next. So, when I didn't need to hope anymore because it really had come, maybe that was when I was happy.

I really had no clue. But, I didn't care about that either.

Well, here I go. Into the cafeteria. With my new friends. Been there, done that.

**Authors Note:**** Sorry, I know it is still kinda choppy and not all that great. I think I might have to wait a few days, just to get some ideas and stuff. Review please! Also, if you have any ideas where you want this story to go, let me know. It will only make me write faster.**

**-Emma xoxox**


	10. Authors Note

**Authors Note:**** I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN WRITING! My computer is broken, and I don't know when it will start working again. Right now I am writing from a library computer. Don't worry though, I have plenty of ideas for new chapters when my computer starts working again. Please be patient!**

**-Emma :)**


	11. Rain and Trust

**Authors Note:**** I AM SO SORRY! I haven't updated in so long! My computer is finally fixed, but all the documents are gone. I had a new chapter ready, but than the computer broke. So here it is. Sorry if I start taking longer to finish chapters, but I have TONS of homework that needs to be done. **

**Rain and Trust**

_Two weeks later._

Amazing. Simply amazing.

I had been here for two weeks, but alas, no success.

No success at anything. I didn't have Edward. I hadn't figured out Emmett's secret. I hadn't been doing good in school (despite the high marks). I felt like a total failure while I sat in my social studies class.

Well, I guess I was lying to myself. Some things had been going very well. Like, Alice and I became instant friends. Rosalie was great too, for the little amounts of time that I could pry her away from Emmett. I didn't really want to become friends with them, because I would probably be leaving soon, but... at least I had a few friends for the time being.

People at school were.... well, lets just say _interesting._

For the first 3 days I was here in Forks, I swear to god, I was the only name that came out of those peoples mouths. Luckily, after the third day, some girl got pregnant. So I was out of their mouths. Thank god.

Well, that's what I thought. But my thoughts completely changed when I walked into the washroom.

When I arrived there, it was completely empty. Moments after I went into the stall, two girls arrived. I was guessing that they were about my age. I couldn't identify them by their voices. At first I didn't pay any attention to their conversation whatsoever. That is, until I heard my name.

Yes. I heard my name loud and clear. But what the hell would they be talking about me for? I was last weeks news. I decided to listen in to their conversation.

"Yeah, I know. At first I didn't really understand her at all. But when I heard her talking to Alice....." she paused. I guessed that she was shaking her head. "It seems like she thinks she's queen of the world and we're just some small town hicks who have no idea what goes on in the real world. I can't believe that some people feel sympathetic for her."

"Well, really, when you think about it, she has been through a lot. Like being a foster kid, it must be tough."

"But still, does that give her the right to do whatever the hell she wants? No, I don't think so. I wish she would just go die or something. At least leave Forks."

"Well, when you put it that way, I guess I agree with you."

What? They were talking about me? I felt tears rushing to my eyes. I figured it out.

They probably thought I was a narcissist or something, because most of the time I kept to myself. How could they think stuff like that? Didn't they know how hard my life was?

No. They didn't. They had absolutely no clue.

I rushed out of the washroom and out to the parking lot. I guess I could walk home, it wasn't too far and I had a key. I would text Alice when I got home to let her know where I was.

As I walked up the hill the left the school, it started to rain. Actually, rain was completely underestimating it. It was more like, hmm I don't know, pouring buckets maybe? Yeah, that suited the situation better.

As I looked down to see how soaked I was, I realized that I had worn a black shirt. THANK GOD! The last thing I needed right now was to have a white shirt on, getting see through from the rain.

My hair, on the other hand, wasn't doing too good. It was pretty much like a wet mop. A wet, tangly mop of brown curls. I dreaded the thought of having to brush it when I returned home.

On top of the rain, tears were pouring continually out of my eyes. As weird as it felt, I absolutely loved it right now. It felt amazing.

About half way home, I could feel my feet starting to get sore. Well, next time I decided to come home halfway through the day, I would _defiantly_ remember not to wear heels. They were such a pain in the ass when you had to walk somewhere.

Finally, after what felt like days, I reached the house. I pulled out my key and unlocked the door, because nobody appeared to be home. I trudged up the stairs and into my room.

After standing in my room for a minute or so looking like a complete idiot who just got left in the rain, I went to go take a warm bath to warm up. I hadn't noticed this when I was walking home, but I was absolutely freezing. I could feel myself shivering constantly.

I stripped off my clothes and got into the warm bathtub. As I stepped into the bathtub I realized some things I hadn't noticed about being a foster kid, ever.

Firstly, for the first week or so everybody was all nice and stuff, but after that people would completely turn on you. Like they didn't care anymore.

Secondly, people weren't going to go out of their way to be nice to you.

Thirdly, the ones that _were_ going to go out of their way to be nice to you, were probably the only ones you could trust.

Damn. That didn't leave me with many people I could trust.

**Authors Note:**** Sorry it took so long, but here it is! Also, my play list for my iPod is really becoming empty. Do any of you have some songs or artists you think I might like? If so, please let me know in a review. REVIEW PLEASE! IT ISN'T HARD! Also, the main reason this chapter took so long was probably because barely any of the readers reviewed. I would really appreciate it, and it isn't that hard.**


	12. Nothing or Everything

**Authors Note:**** Thanks for the music! I loved most of it! ALSO be excited, because Edward comes into the picture in this chapter! Not much of him, but he is going to be in the next few chapters a lot. REVIEW PLEASE!**

**Nothing or Everything**

After I had finished my relaxing bath, I got into my most comfy pajamas and flopped down onto my bed with my cell phone in hand.

First thing I needed to do was text Alice to tell her where I was.

_Hey Alice. I'm at home right now. Please let Emmett know as well, so you guys don't get worried when you don't find me. -Bella_

About a minute or so later, Alice texted me back. Obviously, she had sensed something was wrong.

_What's wrong Bella? I will come see you after school. I need to go to my next class. -Alice_

I really wished she hadn't noticed anything. But Alice was just one of those people....

I debated with myself whether or not to text her back. In the end I decided against it. I didn't want her to worry about me right now. It would be better off if I just let everyone forget there was something wrong.

I went to get my laptop and returned to my bed. I checked my e-mails, to find that I had none.

I randomly started searching the web for something to keep my mind on, but nothing appealed to me. Instead, I put my laptop away, pulled the covers up to my chin, and stared at the ceiling.

I thought about how much potential I had had when I first came here, and now look what I had done with it. I had messed it all up. I could have been more outgoing, and showed everybody a happy, friendly Bella. I could have showed everybody I'm not who they thought I would be.

But I didn't.

And once again, it was too late. I couldn't go back in time and fix all the mistakes I wouldn't have made. Or change some of the actions I did.

A tear slowly began to trickle down my face as I thought about that. I had been given a second chance – repeatedly – but all I did was mess up my life. Again.

I must have fallen asleep while I was quietly crying, because I woke up to somebody knocking on my door. "Yes?" I asked them. My voice sounded like I hadn't spoken for years.

"Bella, it's Alice. Can I come in?" Oh right. Alice had said she was going to come over after school. And I really didn't care if my makeup was smudged from the tears or from my face being buried into the pillow.

"Sure Alice." The door opened and Alice stepped into my room and paused by the door.

Unfortunately, she appeared to have somebody with her. And not just anybody. It was Him. Edward. The person who had the same voice as the only voice I ever heard in my head. The only person I had ever really and truly loved.

I suddenly regretted letting Alice in before I went to see if I looked okay. Which I obviously didn't, judging on Alice's expression.

First she looked completely horrified. Her face screamed _what the hell did you do? _Than her expression changed to sadness. Like she knew something bad had happened, and she felt sad for me but didn't want to try and comfort me because she knew that would only make things worse. She settled on sitting beside me on the bed and awkwardly put her hand on my shoulder.

Amazingly, that made me fell a tad bit better, just knowing that there was at least one person who cared.

When I looked at Edward, I was a little surprised. He was standing behind Alice, with an expression on his face that was a mix between pained and anger. I had no clue why.

"Who did this to you?" he asked in a quiet voice.

That caught me off guard. He had probably only spoken about 30 words to me since I got here, and only talked if I asked him a direct question. "Um... I'm not quite sure." His face turned into an expression that only showed confusion. "I heard some people talking..... about me." His expression turned back to pain and anger. "I really don't want to talk about this." I said. Alice looked at me.

"You're okay though, right?" I could always count on Alice to ask me something like that. Well, at least I could until I had do leave again.

"Yes. You guys can go, I'll be perfectly fine." I got up and walked to my bedroom door with them.

Before Edward left he turned to me. "What's wrong, Bella?"

Again, he had caught me off guard by talking before I talked to him first. "Nothing." I said quietly. He studied my face for a minute, as if he didn't believe me. Than he slowly turned to follow after Alice.

After he had turned away from me, I whispered "Everything." I could feel the tears pooling up in my eyes again.

Everything had gone wrong. And there was no way I could fix that now.

**Authors Note:**** Please review. I will try and update tomorrow if I get lots of reviews! And I probably will be successful, because I have nothing big planned for tomorrow. Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I thought I had put it on, but apperantly not!**


	13. Seriously?

**Authors Note:**** Okay, so one of my readers who loved me enough to review, Entropic Kitten, commented on how melodramatic Bella is. Just to let all of you know, I am trying to do that. Also, go check out Entropic Kitten's stories. Some of her stories are really funny. And all of them are really good.**

**Disclaimer: I own Twilight. Sorry to make you all so jealous, but I am not going to share. Just kidding. Who do you think I am, Stephanie Meyer?**

**Instead, I will give you the next chapter**

**Okay, I think I've been talking long enough. Here is the chapter. (Prepare yourself for Edward)**

**Seriously?**

A few hours after Alice and Edward had left, I was heading downstairs to eat dinner with my 'family'. It always felt so awkward when I was eating a meal with them, especially dinner, because almost anytime a family had just let me go was during a meal. Old habits die hard.

Dinner, just like usually, was delicious. I don't know what Esme did to the food, but it tasted like it all came from a 5 star restaurant. Today we had homemade pizza that she had made.

After dinner I wasn't even close to being tired, and I had finished my homework already, so I decided to go for a walk in the park. I informed Esme about my plans, and after her telling me not to be out too late, I left.

The air felt nice and warm when I first stepped outside. That was quite a change – the weather was almost never this nice in Forks, let alone after dinnertime.

I walked down the streets to the local park, which was about 5 blocks away. One of the advantages on living on the outskirts of town. I hadn't been here yet, but from what I heard about it I really didn't expect much. Alice had told me how they were planning on making it into a provincial park, but half way through their plans the person in charge of the plans passed away, and well... they kinda just dropped everything and left.

I looked around a bit. Trees were lying around everywhere. There was still yellow tape around some of the areas that looked to be campsites.

I was just standing there, looking around at the huge mess that really could have been something great, when a voice cut into my thoughts.

"So, you like coming here too?" I turned to see him. Edward. He was standing here. As much as I had dreamed about being alone with Edward for the past two weeks, I was suddenly scared. Not scared like he would hurt me, I hoped he wouldn't, but scared like I could mess up all my chances.

"Um..." I was at a loss of words, once again, in Edward's presence. "I kinda just walked here and... well I've never been here before.... I was just wondering what it looked like... No, I don't like coming here, because this is my first time here." I couldn't believe how much of an idiot I sounded like! I couldn't even say one simple sentence without messing it up! Now what would Edward think of me? Probably not anything I wanted him to think about me.

Luckily, he seemed to find that funny. "I see. Well, I come here for a walk every night." I gave him a look of disbelief.

"Why the hell would you come here? It's so....." I was so proud of myself for making a whole sentence and saying it clearly in Edward's presence. That was defiantly a first. And so was being alone with Edward.

He laughed. "Yes, but nobody is ever here. It's like my special place." I noticed he was now standing right beside me, our arms almost touching. That made me a little uncomfortably. As much as I wanted him to be close to me, I didn't want to fall for somebody who I would lose soon.

"Oh...." This was his special place. Now I was here. It was practically invading his privacy. "I'm sorry. I never knew... I can go..." I started to leave, but Edward reached out and grabbed my arm.

Electricity ran through my skin. His hand instantly warmed my cold body. It wasn't like any other touch I've ever felt. This was too magical to even be compared to one of them. I looked back into his warm, green eyes.

"Bella, you don't need to go." Was he really asking me to stay? No, I was probably just misunderstanding this. He probably was just trying not to be rude. I couldn't blame him either... Who wanted to make me mad, especially if they saw how much I flip out at the little things.

"No, no it's fine. I should let you be here alone in your special place." He still had his hand on my arm, and he wasn't letting go.

"No Bella, I want you to be here. Can we go sit over on a bench somewhere so I can talk to you?" Edward Cullen wanted to talk to me? Wow. I was too shocked to say anything understandable, so I just nodded.

We walked in silence over to a bench. In my mind I was trying to think of any possible reason Edward would want to talk to me. I hoped he wasn't just trying to be nice. That would just piss me off. Already too many people had done that to me. Tried to be nice, and soon after, couldn't stand it anymore, so they just went back to being their usual self, which half the time turned out to be a huge pain in the ass.

I got mad even thinking about some people who had done that.

Edward suddenly sat down on the bench that we had walked to. I sat down beside him, not quite sure what he was about to do. While I was thinking about this, I was looking at my toes. I was too scared to look up and see Edward.

After deciding I was being too much of a coward, I looked up to meet Edward's eyes. He was looking at me, concentrating so hard it looked more like he was looking through me.

"Bella," he said. His face turned a bright red. Wait, did he just blush? Why would he be embarrassed? It surprised me. "Well, this is really hard to say. But I need to say it. I can't keep going on without you knowing." I noticed he had looked down while he was talking. He looked up at me. I nodded slowly for him to continue. "Well Bella, even though I have only known you for a few short weeks, and I haven't talked to you that much, I think I'm...." he turned to stone while he said the words that followed. "In love with you."

**Authors Note:**** HAHAHA! I left you on a HUGE cliffhanger. But that was because of the lack of reviews I got for the last chapter. I got 4. Only 4 reviews! I got twice as many for the chapter before it! Did you guys not like it? Than tell me in a review! Did you like it? Tell me in a review! Or even just send me a little smiley face IN THE REVIEW! I just want to know that you're still reading!!!!**


	14. Better or Worse

**Authors Note:**** Not much to say, except that this is continuing from the last chapter. Also, please don't send me hate mail about what is going to happen in this chapter. It will get better, don't worry. This is all part of the story.**

**Better or Worse**

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I felt a tear start to form in my eye. "No." I whispered, so quiet I wasn't even sure if he heard me. He must have, because he turned to look at me. "No Edward... you just can't. I can't let you..."

"But Bella, I love you." He said quietly.

"No!" I screamed. "Don't say that!" Tears were now pouring continuously out of my eyes. I felt so selfish. I had been praying for him to say these words the whole time I'd been here, knowing it would take a miracle. Well, here's a miracle. He said them.

He let out a frustrated sigh. He whispered something like "I knew I should have waited."

I looked up at him to see that he had his head in his hands. "What was that Edward?"

"I said I knew I should have waited. With you being in.... the condition that you're in, I knew it would probably just make things worse. But, I didn't think I could wait any longer. I wanted you so badly. I _needed_ you. I needed you Bella." If he was a girl, he would definably be crying right now.

"Edward...." I loved how his name felt on my tongue. I knew I shouldn't. But honestly, I don't think I could help it. "Why?" That was one of the only things I needed right now. To know why.

"Why what, Bella?" he looked confused.

"Why do you...." I couldn't force the words out. I hated the sound of them. "....love.. me?"

He chuckled quietly. "Bella, what's not to love about you? You're the most amazing girl I have ever met. It's just all the little things that add up to one big thing. Like how much you try, even though you know you can't. And how much you will do for somebody, even though you hate their guts. I've been watching you Bella, and you are defiantly more than you think you are."

After hearing him say this I put my head in my hands and started to silently sob. Great. Now he was in 'love' with me. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Tell him I felt the same way about him? Tell him to screw off? I wasn't quite sure. I didn't want to lie to him, but that might be the only answer.

I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders and pull me closer to him. I didn't notice this before, but I was so cold I was shivering. As much as I wanted to pull away, I knew I should at least warm up first. And I just loved to feel somebody so close to me, like they truly cared.....

"Edward... I need to tell you something." I decided to tell him the truth. It would be the safest thing to do. I waited a moment, playing with a leaf that had been on the bench beside me. "I..." I tried to word my words perfectly, but I knew there was no perfect way to say what I was about to say. "have the same feelings for you." I sighed deeply after I had let it all out.

"Bella, if you have the same feelings, why are you so upset about me telling you? Wouldn't somebody in your place be happy about that?" he said.

"It depends what you mean about 'in my place'. Sure, the average girl would be just thrilled to bits. But me... well, lets just say that I'm not the average girl." I couldn't believe how good it felt to tell somebody what I had been thinking for my whole life. "I try not to get attached to something that can't stay with me, like people. Eventually, I'm going to be moving on, and they aren't going to be coming with me. If I'm attached to somebody, it will be so much harder mentally to adjust to the new location I'm going to. Foster care is so in the air, you just never know exactly where you're going to land. I don't want to land somewhere I can't handle, just because of the people I lost."

I was relieved to tell Edward what I was feeling. I turned to look up at him after I had finished explaining my feelings. His eyes had a familiar sparkle in them. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't really think about how this could effect you in the long run. All I thought was how good it would feel to just tell you. I understand though, how you feel, and it's fine that you don't want me." He paused and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry." He began to get up to leave, but I stopped him.

"Wait Edward," I said while grabbing his arm. I stood up beside him. "I do want you. I just don't want to get so attached that I can't handle it when I leave."

Edward smiled at me. "So, you're pretty much saying you just want want to take things slowly?"

"Not just slow..... super slow. I can't handle too much..."

He smiled at me. "Okay Bella. Are you going home now?" Without letting me answer, he said "I'll walk you. Come on. Let's go."

As I walked, I thought things over. Was this going to make things better, or would it make things worse? That was one question I couldn't ignore.

**Authors Note:**** Sorry this chapter is short, but I think it was important, don't you? (That was NOT a rhetorical question. I want you to answer that in a review)**

**Ideas are always welcome. I know what is going to happen in the next chapter, but I could always add more events to chapters after that. **

**REVIEW!**

**-Emma-:)**


	15. Goodbye

**Authors Note:**** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHORTEN UP YOUR PROFILES! I spend hours on end, going through (almost) every little thing in your profile. Seriously. When I get a review, story alert or something like that, the first thing I do is check your profile. Than I read the reviews. Okay, here is the chapter. Please read the bottom authors note.**

**Goodbye**

As I lay quietly in my bed, I began to rethink everything today. It surprised me, that while I was thinking, I could only hear my voice in my head. Not 'Edwards' voice. Maybe he was giving me time to think......?

I needed to hear that voice. Just to know it was still here for me. I quickly paced around the room, trying to think of a way to make the voice return. Even just to say one word. But I can't deny it, I was hoping for many more words than just one.

I thought about faking suicide. But than I realized that wouldn't work. You couldn't exactly 'fake' suicide. You either were going to, or you weren't. There wasn't any faking.

I thought about trying to do something I was completely incapable of. Like what though? I had no idea.

Than a thought hit me. I didn't need that voice anymore. I had Edward. Is that why it had disappeared? I certainly hoped not. It wasn't like I was going to go up to Edward and tell him I was regretting my decision of telling him my feelings for him. That wouldn't turn out too good. Probably just make everything worse. I didn't want that. _Things finally start to get good, and BAM. Everything turns bad because, once again, Bella messed up._ That wasn't a thought I wanted to constantly return to my head.

Was the voice _seriously_ gone? Why? Did it hate me now? I hadn't been turning to it for my problems as often anymore, but still...

I hadn't been turning to it because I had other people. I _had other people to turn to_. I didn't need it anymore.

I felt like a little child who had just passed first grade, and thought it was the best thing ever.

I looked at the clock and saw it was only 7:25. I quickly wanted to walk around the neighbor hood to burn off some of this energy.

After getting a puzzled expression from Esme when I told her what I was doing (walking around the neighbor hood, not celebrating the fact that I had real people to turn to), I was outside.

I didn't even notice the temperature outside, it was just to irrelevant. It wasn't like it could change my mood anyways.

As I was walking, looking at all the houses, most being almost alike, I heard somebody behind me call my name. As I looked, I instantly knew who it was. Tanya.

She was rushing to catch up to me. I stopped to let her. When she caught up, she smiled at me.

"Hey Bella!" Why was she so enthusiastic?

"Hi." My patience was running thin right now. She was wasting my time.

Her face became instantly annoyed. "No wonder everybody hates you. Who would want to be around someone like you? You can't even say a simple word like 'hi' without messing it all up. Like, seriously, Bella. Can't you, like, go somewhere else?" When she said this, I instantly remembered her voice from somewhere. The washrooms.

Anger bubbled out of me. She had guts. To say something like that, _to my face?_ Who did she think she was?

I realized how much trouble she had caused me. That one little conversation she had had in the washrooms had ruined me.

Without thinking, I pulled my fist back and it sprung out, hitting Tanya in the middle of her face, making her fall down onto the cement.

**Authors Note:**** Okay, really short chapter. But I just needed to get this out of my head. I have been having this planned for so long, just never had the chance to write it. **

**Sorry for using Tanya, but I didn't want to introduce a new character. And everybody's Tanya seems to fit this.**

**So, last chapter 1 had 64 people read. I think that is pretty good. I only had 7 reviews. 7 REVIEWS!!! That is such a little amount compared to how many people read.**

**So, I'm going to give everybody a sneak peak to the next chapter if you review. It will be short, but it is going to be BIG. IMPORTANT. **

**So, you know what to do, review!**

**Whoa, that was totally not cool. It was all rhyme-y! Lol!**

**No, but seriously, review!**


	16. Mother

**Authors Note:**** Hmmm. Funny, how when I say I will give you a sneak peek a whole whack of people come out of their little hermit shells and review. **

**Mother**

Uh-oh. I heard someone running up behind me.

"Bella!" It was Emmett.... great. "Why did you do that?"

I guess telling him the truth would be best. "Well, she made me mad and....."

"Bella, that does you no good for you. If only gets the anger out at the moment.. If you overreact now, it can just make things worse in the long run." Yeah, sure. That's what everybody says.

"And how would you know that, Emmett?You haven't been a seventeen year old foster child, have you?"

"Actually," he said, dead serious, "I haven't. But I have been a sixteen year old foster child."

It all made sense. Esme being only about 30, Emmett being 18.... Emmett had been a foster child.

"Oh my gosh, you're serious." I knew he wouldn't be pretending about something like this. Maybe that explains all the sympathetic looks... Hahahaha. Who knew? Certainly not me. Well, that was information that I could have used yesterday!

"Bella, I really think we should do something about Tanya. It looks like you knocked her out.... by the way, nice arm. Never knew you had it in you." He said, while smirking. I laughed at what he had said. As I was laughing, I looked down at Tanya. My laughing instantly stopped. Oh. Oh. _Oh._ Wow.

Tanya was, well, she looked like she had just been smoked in the face. Blood flooded around her face, still leaking from her nose. So, apparently I had done worse than planned. Not like I had even planned to do anything, it kinda just happened.

All my plans to beat on her more instantly left my mind. I think it was mainly finding out about Emmett being a foster child, or it may have been seeing the damage I had done to Tanya by overreacting a tiny bit.

I had to learn to keep my temper better. This was one of the reasons I had been sent to different places. To much violence, with me causing it. And I didn't want to be away from Edward, even though I barely knew him...

Even if I was sent away, I'm sure it wouldn't be too bad. It was only about half a year until I would be 18, than I would be free from foster care. And about time! Like 14 years wasn't enough.

Felling compassionate, I reached down and checked to see Tanya's pulse. Yup, she was defiantly breathing. Feeling scared, I looked to Emmett.

"Bella, I think it would be best if we call the ambulance. You really did do something. Something you shouldn't be proud of." Emmett said, unable to hide that he actually was proud of me. Typical Emmett. He couldn't help it. I almost laughed at the thought.

"Yes, I think it would. Can you call them on your cell?"

"Sure"

*

As I was sitting on the couch, I held onto my tea a little tighter. It was 3 hours after Tanya had been brought to the hospital, and 2 hours since they had confirmed that she was fine, and it was only a 'little' blood and a small bruise beside he nose that would be gone in about a week.

_Three days later_

As I sat on my bed, I began to think. I didn't want to be separated from Forks for even a few months. I had too many people here, more than anywhere else. I had Esme, who loved me like I was her own daughter, Emmett, who treated me like his little sister, Alice, who acted like we were best friends since we were 5, and now Edward, who was just Edward. And that was more than enough for me.

I would have to plan everything out carefully. Not just to make sure I wasn't sent away, but to get to know Edward more. Like,, seriously, I barely knew him! But, despite that fact, I felt I loved him. And that was saying a lot. Bella Swan doesn't love many people.

Wow. Who would have thought that moving to this small town would have helped me so much, in so many ways? Sure, it had caused some problems, but those problems were insignificant in my thoughts. They just quickly happened and were done with. But the great things, they were always in my thoughts, always brightening my day.

I think this was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I didn't want anything to come and ruin my happiness. But, unfortunately, whenever something is going perfect, and you think nothing could or will bring you down, something does.

I heard the knock on our front door to the house at 12:15 on a slow, Sunday morning. Curious to see who it was, I crept downstairs to the front door. I was the first one there, which didn't surprise me, because Esme was gardening in the backyard, Carlisle was in his study working, and Emmet had left early this morning to spend the day with Rosalie. I decided I practically lived here, so it wouldn't matter if I opened the door.

God, do I ever regret doing that.

When I opened the door, I instantly knew who it was. The lady standing there had almost exactly the same features on her face as I did. Same nose, eyebrows, cheeks, everything. Even the same slightly curly brown hair. Only difference I noticed was the mouth, which had come from my father.

This was my mother.

When I looked further down her face, I noticed her size. She appeared to be at least 7 months pregnant, judging from the size of her. I did the math quickly in my head. My mom had been a stupid teen, had me when she was sixteen, so sixteen plus seventeen... that meant she was about thirty three. She was seriously going to try and have kids? I bet it was a total accident. Didn't know she had a baby growing in her until it started to show.... but what was she doing here?

How did she know I lived here? She wasn't supposed to be able to contact me unless I had wanted her to. And if I wanted her to, I would tell the foster care system, and they would let my mother know that I wanted her to know where I was. But I had never told them I wanted to see her. All my memories of her were nightmares. Everything that reminded me of her made me want to scream and cry.

"M-m-mom?" I didn't know how nervous I was until I began talking. "W-w-what are you d-doing he-here?"

"Isabella," I hated it when people called me by my first name. I hated it even more when she did. It reminded me that she had cursed me to this life for 14 years. My good mood from the past 3 days instantly vanished. "Get in the car. I am taking you home."

Yeah, sure mom. You beat me until I'm 3 years old, I get sent to foster care for 14 years, and when you show up at my front door, pregnant, I may add, demanding I go home with you, I will just happily jump into the car and be a bundle of joy. Right. Sure. Of course. Why would I ever have thought anything else?

This bubbled my anger over the top. As much as I wanted to have a repeat of what I did to Tanya, and just punch her in the face, I had promised myself not to. And I didn't want to start breaking my promises. That would just ruin everything.

"No. Stay away from me mom." Quickly after I said that, she reached out and grabbed my arm. I slapped her hand off of me, knowing I could easily beat her if I tried.

"Excuse me," said a voice from behind me, which I instantly recognized as Carlisle, "please take your hands off of Bella."

**Authors Note****: Hehehehe. Cliffy. How you like me now? So, if I get lots of reviews I will post sometime tonight or tomorrow. If not, you might have to wait a while....... no sneak peek this time, only early update. So you better review! I could keep all the chapters hostage and only give them to people who review... doesn't seem like a bad idea....**

**- Emma :) -**


	17. Leaving

**Authors Note:**** Omg. You people went crazy over Tanya getting punched in the face by Bella. This chapter is continuing right after the last one.**

_"Excuse me," said a voice from behind me, which I instantly recognized as Carlisle, "please take your hands off of Bella."_

**Leaving**

I turned my head slightly, to see Carlisle standing behind me.

"I don't think that's necessary," my mother said, but sure enough, she took her hand off of me instantly. "My daughter is capable of fighting her own battles." I hated how daughter sounded coming from her mouth. How could she still consider me her daughter? A mother would LOVE her daughter. She obviously hadn't.

"Bella, would you like to go upstairs while I speak with your mother?" Carlisle asked me. At first I was reluctant to leave them, but than I realized that my mom couldn't do anything to hurt Carlisle physically. I was shocked to see how tall Carlisle actually was.

As I slowly lifted my legs up the stairs, one at a time, I realized how much I hated my life.

Sure, I could be distracted from that fact, like having Alice or Edward around, but when it came down to it, I could never and would never stop hating my life. When those distractions were gone, I just realized how much I hated my life. All they did to me was close my eyes momentarily, to make it so much worse when my eyes were opened once again.

This would be perfect. That _thing _I refer to as my mother would come ruin my life, never making me think there was a point of living. She would help create my own personal hell on earth. And I would just accept that. My eyes would always be open, to face the facts. The facts that would never change, never get better. Only possible get worse.

As I opened my bedroom door and walked in, I felt a pang of guilt. Esme and Carlisle had done so much for me, just to have it become..... nothing. I didn't think I could stand another minute of it.

I had to get out of here. Things couldn't continue going this good. I know, I would be out of foster care in a few months. But after that, what did I expect to happen? Obviously, my life wasn't going to continue being something I thought was 'perfect' for the rest of my eternity. Edward would probably find a girl, instantly fall in love with her, and drop me like the piece of crap I really was when it came down to it. Alice would get sick of me complaining about her dragging me out shopping, or trying to do something I didn't want to do. Nobody wanted to be around somebody like me.

I needed to get out fast. I couldn't wait, and ask foster care to relocate me. That could take days, weeks, or even months. I might as well just kill myself if I was going to do that.

Suicide. I didn't want to think about that. Sure, I do compare my life to a living hell at a bare minimum of once a day. But I couldn't let it end. I wouldn't. I had promised myself one thing. Well, more than one thing. But the only promise I would ever keep to myself – or anyone, for that matter- was not to commit suicide. I didn't want to become one of those people, who just committed suicide to leave their life behind. I didn't want to be a sheep, and follow their lead.

Maybe it wasn't being a sheep. More like being a shepherd. Actually, a bad shepherd. Most teens didn't kill themselves. Most had been blessed into a normal life, with normal days full of joyful events. But not me.

I had been the baby who instead of being pushed around the park in a frilly pink or blue stroller, had been pushed around the basement.

I vaguely remembered what somebody had told me when I was ten years old and had asked why I didn't live with my mother.

_"Why don't I live with my mommy? How come I never get to see her? Who does everybody else get to see their mommies? I think I miss her. But I have never seen her, so there is nothing to miss. If I had seen her, I would miss her, that's for sure." I had been talking to the smiley secretary at the office I went to when I would be moved to a new home._

_She chuckled nervously, still keeping a smile on her face. "Well, sweetie, your mother did some mean things to you." What type of mean things?, I wanted to ask. Did she not buy me the toys I wanted? Before I had a chance to ask those, the lady continued speaking. "I think you're old enough to know. You're twelve, right?" I was about to correct her, tell her I was only ten, but I was pretty sure she would change her mind if I informed her about my actual age. Instead, I nodded my head quickly._

_"Well, your mother didn't exactly take proper care of you. She would punish you harshly for little actions, like slapping you when you spoke when you weren't supposed to. Very mean of her to do, especially considering you were only two or three, and didn't know any better." I could feel myself getting panicked. All I had ever heard was my mommy was unable to take care of me at the moment, so somebody else was going to help her with that. Never anything else, especially nothing about her hurting me in any way, shape or form._

_I was so startled by this news. I didn't want to hear any more, ever._

Thinking back on that memory, I really am glad I hadn't none anymore than the facts. I didn't want to know the gory details, of my blood being splattered around the room. Of course, it hadn't been that bad. Else my mother would be in jail at the moment.

I didn't just want out now, I needed out. I needed it like I needed oxygen to breath, food to eat, water to drink. I had to get out now.

I grabbed a small duffel bag from the bottom of my closet. I threw half my belongings onto my bed in a hurry. While I crammed them into the limited space of my duffel bag, I realized there was no way I could fit all of this in here.

I put back half my clothes that I had gotten, leaving me with three shirts, two pairs of pants, and a pair of shorts, on the off chance I would get overheated. Or maybe I would go somewhere really hot. Anyways, it was best to be packed for anything if you were going to run away from home. Or somebody else's home, for that matter.

On top of my clothes, I packed a purple toothbrush, two tubes of toothpaste, a hair brush, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, my wallet, and, after everything else was packed, my laptop and iPod.

I decided to use the window, because I could easily fit through it and it went off the deck, so all I had to do was sneak around to the front unnoticed, and leave.

I sure as hell hoped this worked.

**Authors Note:**** CLIFFY! WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU REVIEWED!**


	18. Escape

**Authors Note:**** So, I've been told by some of you who reviewed that my writing in the last chapter was better than the rest. I actually noticed that while I was writing I had more fun with it than the other chapters. I hope for the rest to be like that. This chapter is continuing from last chapter.**

**Escape**

After I was out my window, I looked around and realized I had encountered a tiny problem. Esme in the garden.

I was so close to just giving up. Just saying "Aw, whatever. Mission failed. Try again later. Actually, just give up." That would have been so much more easy.

But than I would have had to go back to my life. Actually, more like Bella Swan's life. The life with distractions. Unneeded distracts. Unwanted distractions. Unneeded and unwanted.

I saw Esme had a long, white cord running from her ear to her hip. Headphones. So, maybe if I was quiet she wouldn't hear me. And if she did.... I could make up a lie. Or run for it. I would decided when the time came. But for now, I needed to make my best effort to get out of here.

I slowly walked down the stairs on the deck, skipping the one which squeaked. Luckily, I seemed to master that, and I wasn't caught by Esme. Thank god.

When I walked to the front of the house, I saw that Carlisle was now standing outside with my mother. I felt bad, leaving him to be stuck there with her. But, this was for the best. I hoped.

I was too far away to hear what they were saying, but I guessed they were talking about me.

I dashed out of the yard, continuing to be unseen. I continued to run as I reached the road.

As soon as I was quite a distance from any house in either direction, I felt tears begin to flood my eyes. I didn't know what the hell I was crying over. I felt completely pathetic. It was my own damn fault for leaving. And it was going to make things better. For everybody. Including me.

*

After I had stopped being a sobbing mess, which was about ten minutes later, I realized that I had absolutely no idea where I was going. Not even a clue. Where could I go? I guess if I walked to the nearest town I could get onto a bus and travel somewhere. I didn't get on a plane. That would be way too much money, and I'm sure somebody would be able to track where I spent my money if I used my credit card on a plane ride, which I would have to if I flew somewhere.

Maybe just going to an ATM machine, getting some money, taking a Greyhound to another town not too far away, but not very close, would be the best way to go.

I continued walking, not knowing how far I'd gone or how far was left. I couldn't even take a guess, because most of my time I was too deep in my thoughts to notice how far I'd gone. I knew I must have been walking for quite some time, because it started to get darker outside.

I suddenly panicked. If it was becoming dark, that would mean it was nighttime. I had left at about twelve thirty, so obviously somebody had noticed I wasn't where I should be, which was in my room at the Cullen house, or somewhere else in their house.

Part of me desperately hoped that they had found I was missing, and were dying to find out where I was, and they were going to be searching all night long, hoping I would turn up in some crappy coffee store, instead of dead, lying in my own pool of blood in some alley. The other part of me hoped that they had found me missing and said _Bella's gone? Whatever. She was just a nuisance around here anyways. _As much as I really hoped for the second one, them not caring I was gone, I knew that wasn't how it was going to work out. It would take a miracle for that to happen, and I'd already had my miracle of my life, which was Edward.

*

I looked up the road and couldn't believe what I was seeing. Sure, most people wouldn't have cared. But, again, I'm not most people, or even normal for that matter. I'm completely different.

A gas station.

I kept the same pace I had been using all day, unable to pull more energy out of my body that was already drained.

As I was almost to the gas station, just reaching the parking lot, I felt a load being lifted off my shoulders. I could finally just go in and get something to drink, find a map, use the washroom.... sounded like paradise, even though I had only been out here for about eight hours.

When I entered the store and glanced around, something caught my eye that instantly dropped and lifted my hopes, all at the same time.

**Authors Note:**** Cliffy. Hehehehe. Review please. Also, a few said that the chapters are too short to review because not enough happens, which I understand. But my longer chapters get all messed up, and get waaaay too far off the story line. Maybe just say your favorite line in the story?**

**-Emma :)**


	19. Where to Now?

**Authors Note:**** God damn computer. Had whole chapter written. Everything was ready. When I went upstairs before posting it, my sister came and started messing with the computer. I had to restart it, and this wasn't saved. If you want to blame anybody for my lateness of posting this chapter, blame her. **

**Where to Now?**

Was that really what I thought it was? Or more specifically, _who _I thought it was? I couldn't decide which answer would make me more thrilled.

When I had walked into the gas station, a flash of golden bronze hair had turned into around the corner into the washrooms. Actually, it wasn't just any flash of golden bronze hair. It was _the_ golden bronze hair. _My _golden bronze hair. _My _Edward. And he was right there. Where I could easily access him.

This felt like a life or death situation. No matter which decision I choose, it would ruin at least one person's life. If I choose to ask Edward to bring me home, my plans would be ruined. But, if I stayed out here, I could ruin Edward.

Wait, why am I thinking I would ruin Edward's life if I did this? How could I be so selfish? It would only make his life _less_ stressful, because to him I was just a pain in the ass. Sure, he didn't show it, but that was obviously because he felt bad for me. And I had believed that crap?

Knowing Edward was going to return soon, I quickly went in between the aisles where he would be unable to see me. Even though I doubted he wouldn't seem me in this empty story. Really, there was only one other person here, and that person was running the till.

I was guessing that Edward worked here. Why else would he be at a gas station god knows how from from town in the middle of the night? Well, maybe not the middle of the night. More like the middle of the evening, if that makes any sense at all.

I sunk to the ground, suddenly feeling more tired than I had all day, which I didn't think was even possible. But than again, what did I know? Apparently not much, judging how many problems had already happened today.

As I thought back to Renee showing up at the front door, I couldn't believe that had been _today._ Was I imagining it, or had it really happened just this morning, or more like afternoon? I couldn't believe time flew by that fast, especially when you were ' on the run ' .

I liked the sounding of that. On the run. Like I had broken into some huge bank and stolen sacks and sacks of money..... hehehe. Like I would do something like that....

Or on the run, like I was training for a marathon. Another thing Bella wouldn't do. I _couldn't_ run a marathon. I would kill myself while running it. It would be like Alice not going shopping for a month. Yeah, impossible.

Sitting on the ground, I felt the tears once again flood effortlessly out of my eyes, streaming down my face. It got even worse once I heard Edward come out of wherever he had gone, and just open his mouth to speak.

"Hey Mike, can you handle the store for the rest of the night? I know I'm supposed to be staying for another hour, but I was going over to see Bella and Emmett tonight, and I have to pick up Alice first. And to be honest, I've been dying to see her all day long." I so badly longed to just walk out of the aisle and be protected by Edward's strong arms. To be taken away by how great he smelled. It wasn't something I could name, or something I had ever smelled before. But I just needed it now.

_GET A GRIP BELLA!_ I couldn't get distracted. I needed to stay on my 'plan', or at least my attempt of a plan. If I wanted to call something a plan, I was guessing you actually had to plan something.

"You've been dying to see Alice all day? Hmmm. Interesting." Mike said, with a hint of humor creeping into his voice while he said it.

"No Mike, I've been dying to see _Bella_ all day. Not Alice. I really don't give a damn if I see Alice today, as long as I get to see my _Bella._" I felt even more tears flood out of my eyes when I heard him emphasize my name so much.

"Whoa Edward, don't get too angry." Mike said, almost bursting into hysterics. Obviously, Mike easily laughed.

"I'm sorry Mike, it's just that...." Edward sighed in frustration, as if he couldn't find the right words to describe what he wanted to say. "I was so surprised at how she reacted when I told her. I mean, I'm absolutely thrilled to to bits that she felt the same way for me, but I'm so happy she didn't just leave. I think it's a miracle that she felt the same way. Especially since she's so perfect, and I'm just-"

It seemed like Edward was going to continue, but Mike cut him off. "Whoa, whoa, whoa Edward. Why don't you tell that crap to somebody else, somebody who actually cares?" Mike said in a joking tone. "Not that I don't care that you're happy- I do. But I think that instead of wasting your breath on me, you should be telling Bella this stuff. I'm sure she would be thrilled if you told her. Why don't you go see her now? I will be fine here by myself."

I almost started laughing, because Edward didn't have to say everything again – I had already heard it.

I didn't know whether to be thrilled to bits with what Mike said, or want to tear his limbs apart. This meant Edward was leaving.

Edward was leaving.

As I kept repeating those words in my head, I kept feeling worse and worse. I felt as if _I_ was the one leaving. Which I should feel, because I had been the one who had left the house, and who hadn't even told Edward where I was going. Not like I knew, but I'm sure it would have been nicer to just let him know.

"Okay Mike. Thanks, I totally owe you big time. But Bella's really important to me..." Edward trailed off, not needing to finish that thought.

I heard the front door open and close. Edward was gone.

Obviously, I had been wrong. Edward _did_ love me. More than I thought.

I stood up, trying to think of what I needed to do now.

First, I really needed to use the washroom.

When I looked into the mirror, I noticed that my face was a mess. Actually, not just my face. My head as well. My hair looked like a birds nest, minus the twigs. My face was all sweaty, from walking all day in the hot sun. On top of that, my makeup had been ruined from me crying moments ago.

Instead of trying to fix everything up, I just decided to wash my face and quickly comb my hair with my fingers, to at least make me presentable.

After I had finally made it so somebody wouldn't scream when they saw me, I walked out of the washroom and started heading up and down the aisles.

I had to be very wise with the food I picked. I might still need to walk a long ways, so I didn't want to pack too much food, or anything too heavy.

After I decided I had gotten enough food to last me a day, I went up to the till. I didn't want to buy too much, I would easily be able to find another store somewhere else soon.

"Hello!" Said the person I know knew as Mike. He scanned my food, put it into a bag, and put my money in the till and gave me some change back. "Have a good day!" He said while I left.

Yeah right. Good day? Sure. I would have a good day. Eventually I knew I would. But not now.

As I continued walking along the empty highway, I couldn't keep my mind on one subject. It would go from Mike being overly cheerful, to the highway being a scary place to be walking alone in the nighttime.

Even though my brain was thinking so hard about everything that had happened today, last week, or even last year, one question never left my head.

Where was I going to go now?

I was so close to whipping out my cell phone that was conveniently located in m pocket and calling Edward, right than and there, to ask him to come pick me up. I even started to bring it out a few times, about to click my only number on speed dial. But instead of stopping whatever he was currently doing so he could come help me, I would always stop myself.

I couldn't quit now. I had to follow through with this. And get as far away from here as possible.

**Authors Note:**** Like it? Unfortunately, if I don't post tomorrow I won't be able to until Wednesday. I will try to post tomorrow – if I get lots of reviews, that is. Else, you will have a long wait, because I am leaving Monday morning and not coming back until Wednesday. Without any time to write.....**

**I have the idea for the next chapter ready in my head, but I am a ridiculously slow writer with actually writing stories. After I write a sentence or paragraph, I always reread it twice. And I've been drowning in homework lately....... But I still write in all my spare time :)**

**Review? It's not a question, it's a command. If I get lots of reviews I will post earlier! YOUR REVIEWS MATTER TO ME! I READ EACH ONE! Lol, not like there are many to read. :)**

**-Emma - :)**


	20. What Is Peace?

**Authors Note:**** Sorry I haven't updated in forever. Unfortunately, updates aren't going to be very often this summer. I have a hell of a lot of things I'm going to do, and the sun is waaaay to nice to sit inside on the computer.**

**What Is Peace?**

After walking for only half an hour, I already felt scared to death.

Instead of continuing to walk beside the paved highway, I was sitting in a small grassy field to the right of the highway. While I sat there, I could only do one thing. Think.

While I thought everything through, I started to wonder. About everything. Everything that mattered to me. Or at least what mattered to me at the moment.

Mainly in my thoughts was Edward.

As much as I hated to admit it, I was a little obsessed about him. And I wasn't quite sure I would be able to stay away from him any longer. If I told somebody about my feelings for him, and all my thoughts, they would think it was separate anxiety, not love. I wouldn't blame them though. I almost believed that myself.

I would have believed that if I hadn't left him.

Especially because I left him because I thought it would be best.

What the hell is wrong with me? Can't I ever make a good decision? Why do I always have to screw everything up? Even if Edward hadn't felt the same way for me as I felt for him, me leaving was still going to mess everything up.

Why am I so messed up?

I was very close to jumping out of my skin when I felt something vibrating in my bag, until I remembered that I had packed my cell phone.

Right. I had a cell phone sitting right there. I was sitting here, regretting all the decisions I had made. The cell phone was so close I could feel it. And I wasn't calling somebody with it.

I brought it out and glanced at the time without answering the call I was currently receiving. Shit. Edward had left forty-five minutes ago. Obviously, he had already arrived home. And discovered my absence.

Damn. What should I do? Answer it? Ignore it? Tell Edward I was fine? Tell Edward to screw off? Ask him to come pick me up?

Why couldn't there be somebody who could answer these damn questions for me? My life would be so much easier. It would be practically simple. A walk in the park.

But nooo, I had to answer my own questions. In my opinion, that was _not _fair.

Than again, nobody seemed to give a damn about my opinion.

Without answering my phone, I curled up into a ball, laying my head on my bag, and tried to get some sleep. Actually, I didn't even have to try. The moment I closed my eyes, sleep took over.

But unfortunately, not for very long.

After I had been sleeping for not even five minutes, my cell phone started ringing again. And again. And again. And again.

Shut. The. Hell. Up.

I opened my cell phone to see who was putting me through this torture while I was trying to sleep.

Edward. And a bazillion text messages.

Oh right. I was probably considered 'lost' or 'kidnapped' at the moment. And Edward was probably going crazy because of it.

Should I give a damn?

I guess I should. But I didn't care about Edward's sanity at the moment. All I really cared about was making some decisions.

And getting this damn phone to shut up.

I wasn't the most high-tech person around, but I did know I could turn off my cell phone or turn of the sound. Turning off the sound would probably be the best decision, so I could still check the time.

After I turned off the sound and vibration on the phone, I decided I should message Edward back. Just so he knew I wasn't lying dead in some ditch. If I was, he would probably kill the sorry ass who did it to me. But I wasn't, so we didn't even have to worry about that.

Well, I didn't. But I'm sure Edward did.

I clicked the most recent message I had received from Edward, not bothering to read to ten before it.

_Bella,_

_Where are you? Are you okay? I'm looking for you right now. Please call me right when you get this message._

_Love Edward_

Oh god. He was looking for me right now?

Instead of writing or calling back, I decided to read the rest of them.

They were all almost the same, filled with _where are you?_ And _Don't worry, I'll find you soon._ I guess just sending him something saying I was find would be okay, right?

_Edward_

_I'm perfectly fine. Please just go home, and stop looking for me. Don't expect me back anytime soon. Just pretend you never met me. Please tell Esme and Carlisle not to take it personally, that I just needed some time on my own. I'm sorry if I don't come back._

_Love you always, Bella._

As I clicked send, the tears poured out of my eyes uncontrollably. More uncontrollably than ever before. I felt as if even if I wanted these to stop, which I didn't, they wouldn't. My heart had completely taken over my senses. I couldn't even think straight. All I could do was cry out the tears. Eventually they had to stop, right? I couldn't keep crying forever, that was impossible.

There really was no peace on Earth, was there?

Maybe peace wasn't such a feeling, but more of an item. An item you couldn't buy.

Like a family could be a form of peace. Or having a child. Maybe falling in love, and knowing the other person loves you just as much.

But maybe peace didn't need to be with somebody else.

Like it could just be an artist finding the most beautiful place they have ever seen, and painting it perfectly.

Or maybe peace was the little things you barely noticed.

Like a bird watcher seeing one of the least common birds on their list of birds to see. Or running into somebody you haven't seen for years, and finding out that somethings just never change. Or hearing somebody tell you how wonderful you are.

Just having all the little things in life go well.

Having a day that looked like it was going to be super busy run so smoothly you have no clue why you even worried about it in the first place.

Having somebody magnificent worried about you when you were missing.

Maybe I did have a little peace in my life.

But a little peace wasn't good enough for me.

**Authors Note:**** Do you guys want an EPOV? If so, I could write it. I probably won't update tonight or tomorrow, but I will try. Happy birthday to me. My birthday is on June 9****th :)**

**Review for my birthday!**


	21. What The Hell?

**Authors Note:**** If you haven't done so yet, go back and read the last chapter. I posted two in one day :)**

**I found writing this chapter pointless. For me, at least. While I wrote the other chapters, I had been thinking about what was happening with Eddie and Bella. And I didn't write it down. So now, I am. Hopefully this informs you better.**

**Instead of answering all of your reviews with answers to your questions, I decided to make a chapter about it. Hopefully this answers them. If it doesn't, in your review let me know and I will send you an in-depth description.**

**About half of you wanted an Edward POV. If you don't want to read it, fine. Only the first half or so is EPOV. **

**Sorry for Edward's language, I just wanted to emphasize his anger more. It's not like he was swearing the whole time, so I think it's okay.**

**Read and review. Sorry **ALL **my authors note's are so long..... :)**

**What The Hell Did I Do Wrong?**

What the hell did I do wrong? Why had Bella left me? Was I that fucked up?

God, I was that fucked up. I was so fucked up she felt she needed to risk her life – by running away – just so her life wouldn't become messed up like mine.

Damn it.

I would have done _anything _after I received that text message from her just to get here back. To safely return her to my arms, so I could protect her. Protect her from anything that could hurt her.

Unfortunately, me being with her seemed to give the opposite affect. She had to leave because of me. Leave! Just because of me....

I thought I was doing good. She had always seemed happy when she was with me. And was always excited to waste even more time with me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think any of the time I spent with her was wasted. But obviously she had to think that about the time she spent with me.

I mean, seriously, she was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I wouldn't be surprised if she was an angel who fell from haven, knowing her balance. Everything about her was so real, so perfect. She was that one girl who was so perfect, but when asked why you thought so, you couldn't put it to words. I just seemed to love everything about her. Even the little things.

How could somebody so perfect, like Bella, love somebody so not perfect, like me? Was that even possible?

Nothing about me was perfect. Nothing at all. My talents? Well, I could play the piano. Not very good, according to me. Bella seemed to love it though. Maybe she just felt bad for the jackass who could do nothing better to her than make her want to run away from her own home.

Even though I knew exactly how much I had messed everything up with Bella, I prayed to god that she would come back. Even though I knew I didn't deserve her.

Hopefully all my text messages could help her.

**What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?**

What the hell was wrong with me? What. The. Hell. Was. Wrong. With. Me?

Had I seriously thought that I had _any_ peace in my hell, known as my life?

No. I didn't. Well, I did, but I didn't mean it. My head was just messing with me momentarily.

Maybe I had subconsciously been thinking about the time I had spent with Edward...

Well, I really thought back to that time as great. That three days..... It felt like so much longer. I had been what you could call peaceful when I was with him, but that was only on the outside. On the inside, I was killing myself. Literally. Killing myself for ever going near him. Him, the one person who had the ability to shatter my heart to pieces.

Luckily, or not so luckily, I beat him to the punch. I left before he could.

Not exactly something to be proud of.

Thinking of leaving, I remembered something that had happened two days after we confessed our feelings for each other.

-Flashback starts here.-

_As I sat in Edward's car with him as we drove down the winding road that was leading to the middle of nowhere, I couldn't help it. Curiosity took over._

_"Edward," Damn. I still loved how perfect it felt to say his name. I couldn't repeating it. "Edward, where the hell are you brining me?"_

_He chuckled at that. It sounded so perfect.... Everything about him seemed to be perfect. Even his laugh, "Bella, we're going to my house."_

_Silence filled the rest of the drive. Not weird silence, but relaxing silence. Good silence. No silence with Edward and I ever seemed to be weird. It always seemed to make us feel closer, just by being together._

_When we drove up to this house, which was more like a mansion, Edward parked in the driveway and came around to my door and opened it for me. _

_We walked in through the door and he led me to a room which was bare, except for the __gorgeous grand piano that sat in the middle of the room, with a long seat pulled about twenty centimeters from it._

_Edward sat me down at the end of the seat, opened the piano, and started playing._

_Oh my god, he was absolutely amazing. His hands swiftly flew from key to key, making the sound come out sound like more than one set of hands playing. _

_The song was..... I don't even know where to begin. Flawless would be the underestimation of the century. So would perfect. It wasn't something I had ever heard before. And I couldn't place which talented musician had written it, either. It didn't sound like it was by any of the composers of the classical music I listened to, and I sure did know my classical music._

_When the song was over, which seemed to be way too soon, I felt overjoyed. I never knew Edward was even more talented than I already thought. "That was amazing Edward! What song is it?" I was sure I could be surprised when he told me._

_"Bella, this isn't a song you know. I wrote this for you. I call it Bella's Lullaby." While he said he wrote it for me, I felt tears of joy run from my eyes down my cheek._

_Edward pulled me into his arms, making me feel more protected than I already felt when I was with him. "Thank you so much, Edward." I said into his chest, not sure if he had been able to hear me. _

_Apparently he did though, because he responded. "You're welcome, Bella."_

-End of flashback-

**Authors Note:**** Didn't you just love how the titles could easily connect to each other? I did :) **

**Review please.**


	22. Authors Note Sorry!

**Before I bring your hopes up, let me just tell you this is NOT a chapter. Yeah, I'm sorry.**

**So, you might have noticed that I haven't posted forever. And I'm really, really sorry. Also, some of you might have noticed that I haven't read your stories in forever either. I don't know why, but I haven't felt 'in the mood' to read or write Fan Fiction lately, until now. Right now I am starting a new story that will probably only end up having one chapter, but I'm having fun writing it right now.**

**But I still haven't written anything new for Finding the Peace.**

**At the moment, I have been really hating that story. I want to make it longer, and I have all these plans in my head, but I don't really want to type them out. I don't know if it's because it's summer, but it feels like a waste of time, even though I know it's not.**

**Finding The Peace has been a really tough story for me to write because close to nothing of it I have actually experienced myself.**

**I am planning on continuing to write this story sometime in September or October. **

**Thank you for reading! :)**

**If you have any questions, feel free to ask me and I will happily answer.**

**ALSO please vote for me in the Razzle Dazzle Awards. I am in the Best Angst and Best All Human. I know I'm not going to win, but I hope being a nominee will get me more readers :)**

**Link is on my profile, or you can use the one here. If you use this one replace the (dot) with a period. http://razzledazzleawards(dot)webs(dot)com/vote(dot)htm**

**I plan to be putting out many new one-shots during the rest of July and August.**

**-Emma**


	23. I Miss Her

**Authors Note****: I FINALLY POSTED!!! Please review. =) Sorry it's so short, but I will post often if I get lots of reviews.**

*** In this story Mike doesn't go to Forks High**

**I Miss Her**

**Edward's Point Of View**

It's already been 37 hours since Bella's been missing. Not that I'm counting or anything.

And I miss her like crazy.

Not knowing where she is is probably the worst thing about the whole situation. I mean, she could be in some creepers basement getting raped right now. All without me knowing.

Or maybe she hadn't gone by choice. Maybe somebody had kidnapped her, stole her cell phone, and sent me the text saying everything was 'all good'.

Maybe she was lying in a ditch somewhere, bleeding to death. She could have decided to leave, sent me the text and than BAM. Somebody could have driven by and shot her.

But still, I think her possibly being raped right now was the worst of all the possibilities involving her being alive. I knew how uncomfortable she was with that kind of stuff. And being forced to do it....

Oh my god. How was I supposed to handle this?

I got up and grabbed the stack of flyer's I had printed off the computer about ten minutes ago. They described how Bella was missing, either lost or stolen, a picture of her, where to call if you saw her, and stuff like that.

The first place I drove was out to the gas station I worked at. I was already 25 minutes late, so I might as well let Mike know I won't be at work today. And I could put up a flyer.

When I walked into the store, I saw Mike flirting with a tall blond. It didn't surprise me though. He did that with almost all the girls who walked in here. Even the twelve year old girls with high pitched voices.

I went behind the counter and started tacking one of the flyers up.

The girl left soon after I came in, and Mike turned around to face me. He glanced at the poster, than looked back at me. "She was here last night." He told me.

"The blond?" I asked, not quite sure who he meant by 'she'. And he probably already knew I didn't want to hear about the blond.

"No, that girl." He said, while pointing at the flyer. "She looked totally pissed, dude. Even _I_ didn't say anything extra to her, like I usually would have. And that's saying something."

I glared at him with a look of disbelief and anger. "Bella was here yesterday, and you didn't tell me?" I asked him, ready to rip his head off, even though he hadn't even known who Bella was until now.

"That's Bella?" Mike asked me while looking at the flyer again. "You're right dude. She is really pretty. Not my type, but she still is pretty." I almost laughed at that. I knew Bella wasn't Mike's type. Mike's type was girls who thought it was acceptable to wear so little in public that you wonder why they aren't arrested. Total opposite of Bella.

"Damn it!" I yelled. Mike flinched and stepped backwards, probably startled by my harsh tone and scared that I was going to take it out on him. "Sorry Mike. I didn't mean to be so loud. When did she come here?"

"Um..." He looked deep in thought while he thought of the answer, like this was some kind of math quiz. "About five minutes after you left? Maybe seven?"

"You're kidding, right? Oh god. I was so close to her..." I felt ready to punch myself in the face. If I had left work five minutes earlier, I might be holding Bella in my arms, against my chest right now. And nobody would be wondering if she was okay. Or if she was even alive.

I left the gas station with the flyers, and started driving the opposite direction of Forks.

I needed to find Bella. It wasn't a want anymore, it was a _need. _And I needed to find her soon.

**Authors Note****: Please read my other story, A Change Of Heart. It's the one I'm working on right now. =) And REVIEW! The biggest reason I haven't wanted to write is because I haven't been getting REVIEWS! If it sucks, please tell me. If you love it, please tell me.**

***For those of you who don't know, I got Twitter. My username is Emma_99**


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